Bah Humbug and Merry Christmas

I've always loved Christmas.  It's never been as fun for me as Halloween, which is all about indulgences and excess (and just so much wackiness ensues at any age).  As I've grown up, my reasons for loving Christmas have changed drastically.

When I was a kid, I was always about the toys (of course).  This year, my list was actually shorter than my mom's, which is really crazy.  I asked for two gifts - Trivial Pursuit (because I'm a geek) and a tie clip.  Seriously.  I asked for a tie clip.  In the world of practical gifts that people need and don't ask for, that ranks just below socks.  and I asked for it.  Granted, I was specific in that I wanted it to be silver in color, but that's only because my wedding ring is white gold, and all my belt buckles are silver.

But even with everything, I haven't really been feeling Christmas this year.  I guess it's because this is the time of year to look back and reflect on the past year.  And overall, it's been an amazing year.  I finished up my second college degree, graduating with honors,  I'm now getting paid to do exactly what I want to do (well...almost), and I'm now legally married to the love of my life.  On top of all that, Hubby has ALMOST finished his PhD, and we're getting close to the next chapter of our lives, and I couldn't be more excited.

I should take a moment to point out that when I say I love Christmas, I really mean it.  I love buying gifts for friends and family.  Usually, they are ones that they ask for, but it's always something that really means something either to them or to me.  We usually spend about $100 or so on each other (I'm not going to miss the college student budgets) and around $50 for friends and family.  Granted, most friends do not actually get gifts, but that's more due to the lack of funds.  And I've never understood the point of buying a gift just because you are supposed to.  Buying things for people out of obligation ruins the spirit of the season to me.

This year, one of the people that has (unknowingly) been a major inspiration to me as a budding blogger has been Jenny, the Bloggess.  Her wit and willingness to say and do the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate moment never ceases to bring a little light to my soul.  This year, she took it upon herself to give back to people in need.  What started out as giving out $600 ballooned to a major project where $42,000 was given to people in need.

I am a huge sap for stories of generosity, specifically during Christmas.  So I would read the stories from people who needed a little extra help to provide the Christmas that their families deserved.  I decided upon reading it that I would donate and help out such a worthy cause.  And then I checked our finances.

We had already planned on an extremely low-key Christmas.  We wanted to focus more on savings than anything.  Plus, I was unemployed starting in January while I did my student teaching.  I didn't go back to work until August, and that was for a fraction of what I had been making before I left.  We decided to make our own gifts for people to save money, and we wouldn't buy each other gifts at all.  However, that's just not how I roll.  But I could suck it up, because bills were tough this past month.  Then Hubby threw me for a loop.

I can't remember if I ever blogged about it, but back in June, Hubby went to a conference in Prague.  He got me the two things I asked for - absinthe and Toblerone - a giant bar that I just finished the other day.  Turns out, he also got my a couple of Christmas gifts.  So here I am on Christmas Eve feeling like a failure.  My husband, my family and my friends all deserve so much more this year than I am able to provide, especially after being able to share such a wonderful year with all of them.  So what am I doing?  I'm wrapping a few things we already own while Hubby is at church with his family so that he has something to open tomorrow morning from me.

Things are not anywhere near the point where we need assistance of any sort.  I know this post makes it sound like we do.  It just means that we've had to cut out a lot of the frills temporarily.  And unfortunately, gifts fall into that category.

In a very long and convoluted way, this post is essentially a love letter from me to my family and friends, and most of all to my wonderful husband.  Think of this as the gift that all of you should have received from me.  I know it's not much, but it's all I can give at the moment.

NOTE: For the record, I did consider asking for assistance during the Bloggess's drive, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It all boils down to we're not badly off, and there are many, many people worse off than we are.  We've had a rough month in terms of bills, but we have lots of savings and things are only going to be getting better in the next several months.  But it's called savings, and not spendings, so that money doesn't get applied to the "I wish we could...'s", only the "We really need...'s".

UPDATE: I just realized that now I have to prevent Hubby from reading this post until tomorrow morning, and he checks his blogs fairly regularly.  This'll prove interesting.

I Don't Know How I Feel About That

Working as a substitute teacher in multiple school districts has been an eye-opening experience.  Not only do expectations differ drastically from district to district, but even two schools in the same district have expectations that are dissonant.  Some days I walk in with a detailed lesson plan for a subject I do not know, and I'm expected to teach it.  Sometimes, even the administration can't find the teacher's lesson plan (that was turned in to the office).  Most of the time, I'm given everything I need to figure it out as I go.  And it's always enjoyable - even when it seems like being swallowed by the earth would be better.  Suck it, large unnamed retail store that formerly used a smiley!

I also get to have interesting experiences that a 'normal' teacher doesn't get to experience.  Last Friday? I was a secretary in the guidance office for the day.  Did you know that 'permanent records' are not just an idle threat? I got to put this year's school pictures with the files.  Kinda cool.  Also makes me kinda want to torch my high school in order to destroy them.  Then I remember that I was a goodie-two-shoes in high school.  So I guess the school can live to see another day.  You got lucky this time.

Today? I was a librarian.  Like for real.  My title was 'secondary librarian'.  Turns out the person that I thought was the main librarian? My secretary.  Yes.  I had a secretary.  And at least 3 student aides each period.  I crap you not.  It was BADASS.  Except there was one issue that I had.

Ever since the string of suicides by gay teens, schools have been cracking down on bullying.  In all forms.  And the mentality of "boys will be boys" does not seem to be acceptable by administration any longer.  I had a coteacher one day who stopped the class and went on a diatribe about how to treat other people after hearing a student tell another to 'shut up'.  I was impressed.  And glad that she showed up after I told the entire class to do the same.

Anyways, back to today.  The school library had a very good selection of books on sexuality, sexual orientations, and the like.  They also had a book called "Pornography".  The pictures were not.  I was kinda disappointed, and I'm not sure why.  Anyways, all of these books, along with books on the occult (yes, really) mental health, rape, abuse, etc. books were behind the circulation desks in the 'reserved' section.  The extremely popular books, such as Twilight and Harry Potter were also in the reserved section to keep track of them.  There are no restrictions on checking them out, so I asked why the resource books are back there.

Turns out, it's because students would find them in the regular stacks and would get disruptive.  So any books that have questionable titles or content that could prove disruptive (such as 'Pornography', 'Rape', and 'Abortion') were put behind the desk.  Any student has access to them as long as they ask the librarian to look at them.  I understand why virtually all of these titles were located where they were.  Except for one issue.  And you may have figured it out already.

A student who is questioning his or her sexual orientation, and looking for resources to help them is not going to feel comfortable asking the librarian to look at the gay resources section.  Of course, to be fair, teenagers don't use books anymore, thanks to my first true love.  The Internet.  You'll always be first.  And I'll try to be faithful and never commit letters onto paper.  It just makes me feel dirty.

Ok...I think I lost the serious point somewhere along the way, but isn't the point of having resources available for students is for them to feel comfortable using them?  If you are questioning (and obviously deep in the closet) you are not going to ask the librarian.  You'll walk past it on the shelf like 14 times, then pick it up, flip through really quick, and put it back before anyone notices.  Then get the courage to sneak it up to the desk to check it out.  By placing it between two more 'appropriate' books.  And hope the librarian doesn't look at the book titles.

Not like I've ever done that.

Crap...I Don't Even Have a Title!

I'll be completely honest.  I really don't know what I'm going to write.  I just know that I basically promised to post two (or more) times a week in my last couple posts, and implied that I'd be trying to post every day.  That was 22 days ago.  I fail.  So to compensate, you (meaning the anonymous people who use google reader, since that doesn't show up on my stat counter, as no one else apparently bothers to read my blog) get the wonderful gift of free-style prose courtesy of me.  In otherwords, this might be a good time to stop reading.

You have been warned.

Ok.  Let me go all the way back to Thanksgiving.  We spent a few days at Hubby's parents' and then went to mine for a few days.  At Hubby's, we went to a movie, and were given money to go out to eat every night.  The only time there was really any 'family time' was when we dragged his mother to the store with us.  Which was a mistake in the guilt-trip sense.  Pretty much anything we looked at, she offered to buy for us.  When I pointed out a few potential Christmas gifts for hubby (while he was standing there) she just put them in the cart, and gave them to us when we got back to the house.  We saw Unstoppable.  Not a horrific movie, although I will say that the small town that they show (looks like Altoona or maybe Tyrone PA) apparently had a population of 754,000 people.  Which would make it the 17th largest city in the country.  That was the one thing I just couldn't let go.  I can ignore just about any ridiculous claim made in an action movie.  The bus in Speed could TOTALLY make that jump.  Just not a real bus, because that'd be crazy.

Anyways, back on point.  ish.  So we went to my parents.  Just north of Charlottesville, VA (like quite literally the first shopping center after you leave Charlottesville) we've always stopped at an Arby's.  We go to pull in, but the Arby's sign is gone, but there is sign saying that it's open.  When I say the sign is gone, I mean you can see the outline of the old sign, and there was no replacement sign.  There were about 30 giant American flag banners in the parking lot.  Turns out, it is now 'The Patriot Place' and serves subs and fried chicken.  It wasn't bad.  Although even inside, they only bothered to cover up the Arby's logos.  They didn't even bother to take off the plaques on the wall near the bathroom.  They just put American flag stickers over the spot where the plaque said Arby's.  Yeah, it was quality.

Oh yeah, my parents.  Shut up.  I'm getting there.  We did a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day.  At like 5am.  In the rain.  Ok, it was actually light out and it stopped raining long enough for the trot, but that's not the point.  I didn't actually trot.  Hubby did, along with my brother and his fiancé.  My lazy ass decided to do the 2k walk instead of the 5k run.  I did get to take the dog with me, which was nice.  Growing up in the area, I knew there were a few people's houses that I walked by that deserved a bag of dog poo, which I happened to have.  The only problem was that I didn't know exactly which houses I needed to leave them at.  I decided to err on the side of caution and just leave bags at all the houses.  But the dog wouldn't cooperate.  It's kinda embarrassing to sit there begging/yelling at your dog to poop while hundreds of people walk by staring at you.  I just wanted to cover my bases.  Is that so wrong?  Oh, and I beat a guy on crutches that started around the same time as me.  By like 2 minutes.  Go me.

I'd tell you about the rest of Thanksgiving, it was great.  Just not anything crazy.  No fights, or fires.  In other words, nothing fun.  Oh well.  Friday night, we decided to play Trivial Pursuit with my parents on one team, Hubby and I on another, and my bro and his fiance on the third.  We couldn't even agree on what color to be.  It was one of those nights.  But, between the five of us that were drinking, we went through approximately 17 bottles of wine.  Or 4.  One of the two.  I can't remember.  One of the questions, and I was later informed that it was also brought up in the movie Beaches, was 'what did Otto Titzling invent'.  It took my brother like 5 tries to even read the question.  There's something about saying 'tit' in front of your parents.  When he finally got the question out, we all just died laughing.  It was probably the wine.  We didn't even get a chance to guess, because among the raucusness that followed the question, my mom blurted out 'the bra'.  She was right.  A guy named 'tit-sling' invented the bra. Wow.

I'm think I'm going to stop here.  Mostly because I don't know how to segue into anything new.  Because I've been all about the seamless transitions this post.  Whatever.  I did warn you.

Cheaters Win

Today I was surfing the web while on a free period.  I found an article on the Washington Post that I proceeded to tweet, so you may have already read it.  If not, I'm nice enough to post it again here.  West Potomac High School in Fairfax County Public Schools has decided to allow students caught cheating on a test to retake the test.

I understand the intention behind allowing these students to retake a test.  I really do.  Grades are supposed to reflect academic achievement and not student behavior.  For example, a student who is frequently absent from school cannot be punished academically simply for being absent.  However, their repeated absences will hurt them in that they do not have the opportunities to learn the material in the classroom at the same pace as the rest of the students and therefore will not retain the information as well as if they had been present.

Additionally, students shouldn't be given extra credit or have points taken away based solely on their behavior.  A student who does the assignment but goofs off should still get full points for the assignment.  However, they may still be punished for their behavior by other means - separating the student, giving him detention, etc.

Some schools punish behavior through academic reprimand with good intentions.  One local school district requires that a student who skips one class period get a zero in all assignments for the day.  I disagree with that because if they perform well in my class, and show that they have the content mastery that I expect, then they should be rewarded academically.  I'm torn even when it comes to skipping my class.  Giving them a zero does not show what they know academically.  And regardless of that demonstration, they would still face behavioral reprimand for skipping my class.  However, they knowingly skipped a graded assignment, so it does demonstrate a wanton willingness to violate the rules.  But I really am torn, because it doesn't show me what they know.  And as an educator, that's what I'm most concerned with.

However, when it comes to cheating, I have zero tolerance.  Yes, it is a behavioral offense.  At the same time, they know that cheating is wrong.  They may not have showed what they knew regarding the content, but they did show that they felt like they didn't know enough.  And the only way that they thought that they could receive a decent grade on the assignment was by copying answers from someone else.  Maybe the real solution is not to give them zeros for cheating.  Instead they should receive the grade the grade they 'earned' on the test - or a high failing grade (whichever is lower).  They most definitely should still face the consequences for the behavior.  But allowing them to retake the exam  in question (under heavy supervision) does not teach them that cheating is completely unacceptable.  In the real world, it would get their ass fired in a heartbeat if they were caught.

Unlike me, and most of my friends in high school, a lot of students are not grade motivated.  They really don't care what grade they get.  That means that they don't care about a retake.  If they're stupid enough to cheat, they'll be pissed that they got caught, but won't bother to try to study to improve their chances at a good grade for the retake.

I always bend over backwards to help all of my students succeed.  However, the ones that came to any review sessions I held before tests were always the ones that didn't need it.  Sometimes, it was a confidence issue, but mostly these were the students that were grade motivated, and wanted to ensure that they got A's instead of B's.  And that's fine.  However, I base my classroom on respect, and a student who is willing to cheat, copy, or plagiarize will not get any from me.

I really do apologize for this post not really being humorous. I just couldn't believe that a school would bend that far to ensure that no student is 'left behind', when it truly is the direct result of the lack or responsibility on the part of the student that is to blame. And that's two posts in two days.  Maybe I can still complete NoBloPoMo. Nah...too much work.

Why I Hate Everyone

I've been meaning to post for a long time.  A very long time. Like for real.  Only problem? I'm easily distracted.  As in I'm trying to not do the 4 google searches that popped in my head in the last minute...only because if I do this will never get done.  And I procrastinate like it's going out of fashion.  Of course, I wouldn't know...I'm too busy not doing anything.

My life has been pretty hectic recently, the past few weeks, in the over-a-month since I last posted.  This sounds like a job for....*duh duh duh daaaaaah*...Bullet lists!

In no particular order (especially because I don't remember what happened when...it's been far too long)

• I quit my crappy retail job after only being back there for 2 months
• I went to see a stage version of Rocky Horror
• I have been substitute teaching full time - some as far away as 50 miles (ugh)
• I learned how (and how not) to thaw a turkey
• We've actually had people over to be social (tonight will make two times in a week)
• I really thought this would be a longer list
• It's kinda depressing, actually
• I'll just add a few more bullets to make it seem longer
• There, that should do it
• Maybe one more for good measure

As you can see from all the bullets (but not the contents) that I have been quite busy.  For the record, I'm working on this post while attempting to deep-fry a turkey.  Hubby's office decided to have a thanksgiving potluck, and we're hosting it.  And we spent so much money at the grocery store that they gave us a free turkey out of the goodness of their hearts to force us to drop even more money there in a desperate attempt to save 90 cents a pound.  If you've ever deep-fried a turkey before, you'll know that they need to be watched fairly closely.  Which is why i'm resting the laptop on my lap while sitting outside next to the fryer.  There's no way this can end badly, right?  I should also include that the entire house is made of wood including very old wood siding, and directly above where I'm frying the turkey is a wood balcony.  But if something goes awry, I'll have plenty of time to carefully set my laptop down before escaping the massive inferno that would be my house.

Now that I've explained what I've been doing and what I am doing literally at this moment, I'm moving on to an almost-unrelated topic.  It's still related because it's still about me.

As most loyal followers know, Hubby's graduation from grad school is imminent. Unless something changes, which is still possible. I think.  He doesn't like to give me concrete answers about his progress, So honestly, you are not as far out of the loop as you'd expect to be.  However, we are fairly certain that his post-graduation plans are set.  We are waiting to make sure, because last time, I continually blogged about them, only to have to eat my words. Yes, I'm talking to you Albuquerque.  I gave my laptop a death glare.  Which told the city halfway across the country that I mean business.  I'm sure it got that message.

I've also been substitute teaching full time.  Teaching can be incredibly frustrating. Especially Social Studies.  These student's do not have any social studies classes until 7th grade.  I really did want to hit something (like the blackboard, which I'm pretty sure I did) when I asked my students what the three axis powers of World War II was and someone said 'Mexico'.  Teaching can also be tedious and repetitive.  Don't get me wrong, impatient me is totally able to deal with it in the classroom.  However, substitute teachers have the easiest and boringest (screw you, English teachers!) job.  You show up, and you have a detailed lesson plan waiting for you.  Of course you report well before the students actually show up, so you get to sit around aimlessly for a while, first. You implement the lesson.  Which is usually a video or a handout.  You have nothing to do during the period except try to get the kids to do it, which they wont, because you're not the teacher.  Then you have a planning period.  You don't have to plan anything, since you're not the real teacher.  And then you have to sit around after school ends until your shift ends.  High school: about 10-15 minutes.  Elementary school: like an hour.  And then you teach things like band, where I pressed play twice on a DVD player.  That was my entire day. Seriously.

Also: I'm going to try to incorporate the weekly writer's workshop from Mama's Losin' It.  It seems like a good way to actually post every week.  Plus I'm not doing anything else during the day.  Unless the website is blocked at school.  Like all the good ones are.  Which really sucks when you're bored.

Oh, and for the record, I lied.  I don't hate everyone. Or really anyone for that matter.  Unless I don't like you.  Then I'll arbitrarily claim to hate you.  But don't take it personally.  Because I hate everyone.

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On The Bandwagon

There has been a rash of suicides among teens over the sexuality recently.  These children were bullied and harassed by their peers - often only about their perceived sexuality.  If you don't know about these suicides, I'm shocked.  Stop here and go to a news site and catch up.  I'll wait. Many bloggers and celebrities have come out and blasted the parents of the bullies, and the bullies themselves.  I've decided that I need to put my two cents in.

The parents of the bullies and conservative pundits have defended the bullies blindly.  After all, aren't they just being kids.  That's what kids do? Right? They bully.

Unfortunately, yes they do.  I know I've done my fair share of smack-talk.  However, over the years, I've learned that it either comes back to bite me in the ass or I feel like crap about it - sometimes long after the other person has gotten over it and moved on. The Bloggess wrote a really good piece on this here.

As everyone knows, kids can be cruel.  It's not that they're evil, its just that they haven't quite figured out what is and isn't appropriate to say, and why.  They also like to test their boundaries.  They like to see how far they can go, and what a person's reaction will be.  And where do they do this the most? In schools.

To be completely honest, I haven't followed a lot of the online mud-fight.  However, I will go out on a limb and place a fair bit of the blame on teachers.  Its easy as an educator to jump in and stop physical bullying or profane language.  It takes a little more strength to stop someone when you hear "gay" or "fag".  In fact, I once wrote a paper based on the findings of SafeSchoolsNC, a North Carolina based organization, whose intention is to eliminate harassment and bullying in all forms in public schools in North Carolina.  The findings of their research is clear:  in the 30 days prior to being interviewed, 7% of heterosexual students reported being threatened with a weapon in school.  During that same period, 33% of homosexual students were threatened.  In addition, in schools that did not have a school policy that included sexual orientation, 53% of students frequently heard words such as "faggot", "dyke", or "queer", and teachers intervened frequently only 6.6% of the time.  The report, published in 2006, can be found here. (pdf, 25 pages)

Unfortunately, I place possibly most of the blame on the parents of the victims.  I'm sure they do to.  I am very sorry for their loss, and cannot comprehend what it would be like to lose your child.  However, I'm not sure if any of them had ever had a conversation with their children about how a parent's love is unconditional.  And tell them that whoever said "words can never hurt me" is full of shit, but life gets better.  Struggling with sexuality is something I've gone through.  It took me through most of high school to admit (only to myself) that I might just possibly be a scosche bisexual.  But not gay.  Even though I'm only really attracted to guys. But if I'm bisexual, then I can still be normal, right?

EDIT: I don't blame the parents for the bullying of their children.  I blame the parents for the fact that their children thought that they would not be loved and that the only way to make the pain end was to to take their own lives.

Grappling with my sexual orientation, coupled with a very mild, but untreated form of bipolar, I was extremely depressed for much of my young life.  I was constantly thinking suicidal thoughts.  Fortunately, I was too big of a coward to ever seriously act on it.

The summer after I graduated from high school, I traveled to Europe with a touring marching band.  I became friends with several openly gay and bisexual members.  They were the first people I ever told.  Of course, I told them that I was bisexual, but it was a start.  I finally began to understand who i was as a person.  When I came back, I quickly came out to most of my friends.  Including the very wonderful Domesticated Goddess, who I happened to be actually dating at the time.  I'm not sure if she understands how much I really do value her friendship after all these years.  I had finally come to terms with who I was, and it made me feel so free.

Parents: talk to your kids.  The earlier, the better.  Make sure they know that your love is unwavering, that no matter what, you'll be there for them.  Make sure that they know that treating other people differently is wrong, and help them develop the confidence to speak out against any injustice.


Readers still in high school (hey, I may have them!!): Try to make friends with the 'different' kid.  I'm not saying do it, but at least try.  Trust me, you meet some of the most amazing (and 'interesting') people in life just by being friendly.


Teachers: make sure that bullying of any sort does not happen on your watch.  This could be in your classroom, the hallways, whatever.  Take a stand, and refuse to allow that behavior, attitude, or language in your classroom.

There is no reason why a young person in this country should feel so ashamed of who they are that they feel the need to take their own life.  Shame on everyone one of us Americans who have let our society be shaped this way.

I apologize if this is poorly written, but I've made myself cry, it's 2am, and my editor will NOT get out of bed to proofread.  I've checked.

The Bureaucratic Nightmare That Is My Life

As most of my readers know, I've had to put on hold my dreams and ambitions for now and suck it up and return to the wonderful world of retail.  With two college degrees.  I don't blame Hubby at all.  Ok, well maybe a little, but it's really not his fault. And I know that.  Rationally.

The real blame can be directed at the professor at my college who oversaw my student teaching.  During that period, I reported directly to two people: my cooperating teacher, with whom I had to get approval for all lesson plans and he pretty much shaped me into the teacher that I will become when I have a classroom of my own,  and my university supervisor.  His role was essentially to observe me (and grade my teaching ability) and make me jump through a million pointless hoops just because he could.  Which for the record is exactly what good teachers are not supposed to do.  My cooperating teacher taught me that. 

My university supervisor - from now on US - would also schedule the 'random' visits.  Not that I did anything differently, but if I was a mediocre teacher, I would have only pulled out the big guns when he was there.  He also would randomly walk into my classroom, turn around and walk out IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS.  And I would have to run out of the room to figure out what the hell was going on, only to find out HE'D GONE INTO THE WRONG ROOM, WALKED ACCROSS THE FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM AND THEN NOTICED.  You can tell I think highly of him.  In fact, I'm not going to call him US, I'll just call him douche-waffle.

You may ask why I am writing about my student teaching in September when I graduated in May.  Well, I'm getting to that.  You see, I applied to a few school districts for a teaching position this year, but didn't hear back from any of them.  Then I went to apply for substitute teaching positions.  And reading the application a little closer than I had done in the past, I discovered at least one reason why: Since I do not have any teaching experience, they want to see a letter of recommendation from my cooperating teacher (who wrote me a very glowing one), and another from douche-waffle.

I emailed him shortly after graduation to get one.  When he didn't respond, I called him.  He said he hadn't been checking his email recently, but he'd get right on it, and send it out promptly.  This was in May. I got busy, and distracted, and never noticed that it hadn't appeared in the mail.  That part, I'll admit is Hubby's fault.  He didn't remind me.  Notice I'm not at fault.  Ever.

Anyways, in the middle of August, I picked up the application for substituting and suddenly remembered that I didn't have the letter.  I sent douche-waffle a very polite email requesting it, as well as a confirmation (via email or telephone) that he had received my email.  I don't think that's asking too much.  Then I got started back in retail, and I got busy.  I waited two weeks with no response, so I fired off another email - less polite than the first, but still very cordial.  This time explicitly insisting that I wanted confirmation of receipt.  Again, no response from douche-waffle. 

So last night, finally completely fed up - school was now back in session, there was no reason he hadn't returned my emails - I fired off a fourth email (I know that doesn't add up, but douche-waffle wanted me to send him an email with my mailing address, even though I had already done, when I talked to him in May). This email was still mostly cordial, but it was also incredibly passive aggressive.  Hubby was mildly horrified that I was sending an email like that to someone who potentially held my future in his hands, but whatever.  Finally, this morning I called him.  Actually, I called several faculty members before I found his number, because everywhere that it was listed online was different and they were all wrong.

Douche-waffle did not seem surprised to hear from me.  In fact, he excitedly told me that he was about half finished and was hoping to get it out in the mail tomorrow.  He's been working on it since May.  He even said so.  As soon as I got off the phone with him, I called Hubby.  When he picked up, I gave him a heart-attack by letting loose a ton of primal noises and yells, as well as quite a few words of a less-than-professional nature.

The man who holds my future in my hands has been working on my letter of recommendation since May, when I originally asked for it.  He never responded to any email where I requested a response. AND HE'S ONLY HALF-FINISHED.  He's essentially had an entire semester, and has done only half of the work.  That's a 50%, which is an 'F'.  Unless you go where I went.  They think that 'F's are demoralizing.  So they give 'E's.

Oh, and yes, I am aware that this is my second post this week, making it the third post this month!  Now I just need five more to equal June!  Whatever, just give me an 'E' for effort and move on.

What to Expect When You're Expecting (Gay Edition)

First off, for the record I'm not.  Nor is Hubby. At least that I know of.  And hope.  Because that would be an awkward conversation.  Also, this post was supposed to come immediately after my last one.  And I was extremely excited about having two posts in the same month for the first time in forever.  Then I realized that they would not be in the same month.  So I aimed for the same week.  Which also didn't happen.  But here it is.

Hubby and I have talked a lot about having kids sometime in the eventual future.  But there's one small issue.  See many married straight friends have voiced jealousy towards us in regards that we never have to worry about getting accidentally pregnant.  While that's nice, no matter how hard we try, we'll never be able to get pregnant on purpose. However, there are many possible alternatives.

Want a kid biologically your own?  Just have a drunken one-night stand with a woman.  If that's not your thing, there is always surrogates and in vitro fertilization.  However, using a seperate egg donar and a surrogate, you can pay up to $70,000 just to achieve fertilization.  Even at the priciest bar, you can expect a bar tab of only several hundred for two.  So suck it up and take one for the team.

Don't care if the kid is biologically related? That's fine too. There are many children not fortunate enough to have a loving family of their own here in the US. Also, adopted children can be had for little or not cost to you!  Now you just have to decide the age of kid you are looking to adopt.  Remember, the earlier before the teenage years, the more chances you have to love them before they become little (or not-so-little) rebellious shits.

Interested in adopting children not fortunate enough to live in the US? Madonna and Angelina have led the way in raising interest in adopting children internationally.  It is important to remember that you will have to visit where ever you are adopting from, so think of it as planning your next exotic vacation.  If you aren't interested in traveling there, don't bother adopting from there.  Obviously, you can try to accessorize with your children (ala Angelina), but I recommend avoiding this desire if possible.  Fashions change, and kids can't be swapped out as easily as your wardrobe.

Hopefully, this guide has helped you in your quest to become daddies.  I know there are countless resources out there to help make your decision, but you chose me.  No, I don't know what's wrong with you.  Seriously, something must be.

ADDENDUM: Hubby just reminded me about pets.  Many gay couples have pets that they call their children.  They give them people names and spoil them rotten.  While pets may serve as a surrogate of sorts, they are only for people too lazy to deal with actual responsibility.  Pets are great, but they are not substitutes for real children.  Any gay person that says otherwise is full of it.

Reports of my Death have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Yes, I know. my last post had death in the title.  And I am aware that it is merely a bastardization of the Mark Twain quote.  Don't care.  However, a few people have acted excited concerned when I mentioned recently on various social media sites that doctors want to cut me open and sell me for parts.  For those in the know, my life has entered a new phase of the VERY long and ongoing series of illnesses I've had.

Apparently, when I was a baby, I got a lot of ear infections.  When I was a kid, I had a lot of strep throats.  When I was a teenager, I would get debilitating sinus infections.  When I was at Virginia Tech, I had the Winter of Seven Monos, where the doctors kept insisting that I had mono, despite what the blood tests said (turns out, I had pneumonia, strep, bronchitis, an ear infection and tonsillitis - but, alas, no mono).

I've always known that I snored.  After living with Hubby, I discovered I had sleep apnea as well.  To be fair, I didn't discover this.  He did.  When I stopped breathing in my sleep.  Repeatedly.  This summer has been so bad that he's given up trying to put up with me at night.  It all started in the beginning of the year while I was student teaching.  In fact, I mentioned it on here back in May.  Since then, I've had three seperate sinus infections and a case of strep.

I finally went to see a scalpel-jockey specialist, who took one look and decided it all had to go.  Apparently tonsils are not in fact supposed to obstruct the throat.  Or be gargled.  In fact apparently in adults, they're barely noticable because they shrink.  Also, adenoids - which have no function in adults - are supposed to shrink away.  Not block the back of my sinus.  There are two little things (that aren't important enough to be described as anything other than little things) that do something to regulate airflow.  Those are also huge.  And despite the fact that my nose has never been broken, I have a deviated septum akin to a UFC fighter.  I got a second opinion, and they also wanted to gut me.

However, my crazy insurance, that covers most medical expenses in full, doesn't cover nasal surgery. At all.  Apparently people get nose jobs and call it nasal surgery.  They also only cover up to 50% of a procedure if multiple procedures are done 'from the same incision'.  I'm not sure what that means, although it was explained to me that they don't like it when doctors take people's appendix's out because the only function they serve is to occasionally try to kill you.  Also, considering a call from the doctor 'later this afternoon' was 6 days later, I'm not sure how long the HMO's '10 business days' will be to get approval for the hack and slash.

I figure its a good way to lose weight, and Hubby has been desperate to make more clever frozen treats.

Also, this helps explain the blahs.  I've never looked into the effects of sleep apnea, but apparently you sleep very poorly and feel really tired a lot.  Which has been me.  So I got depressed because I was feeling blah, and I got blahs from being depressed.  Huh.  How about that.

Oh, and the day that I found out I needed surgery plus a week off of work was my first day back at my old job.  Not teaching.  Which is also depressing. But oh well.

I'm not dead, I swear

So after a very long period of what can only be described as a case of the severe and debilitating blahs.  They're still there, but whatever.  I've stopped caring about them.  So instead of going on about those, I'm going to pretend that I've been continuing to post regular updates on the blog.  And you will too.  See how easy that was?  Now on to whatever will spill out of my brain through my fingers (if you thought that this would be articulate and concise, you were grossly mistaken).

Last week was a very important week for gay marriage rights.  At some point this week, Judge Walker is supposed to address the issue of a stay on same-sex marriage in California pending the appeal to the Ninth Circuit.  Actually, it turns out that I may not finish this post before he rules.  In all of the excitement of the ruling that Prop 8 violates both the Ninth Amendment's non-enumerated rights clause and the 14th Amendment's equal rights and protections clause, I forgot one major Constitutional hurdle that about 90% of the news media has conveniently forgotten.  In order to appeal a decision, the group filing must have the legal standing to do so.

In Perry v. Schwarzenegger, two same-sex couples sued Governor Schwarzenegger and the California attorney general.  Neither defendants sought to defend themselves in court.  Thus, the Proponents of Proposition 8 stepped up to the table and tried quite amateurishly to defend it.  They have filed an appeal to Judge Walker's decision.  Which, if when upheld, will mean that marriage equality applies to Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, Alaska, Arizona, and Hawaii (in addition to California, where it already applies).  However, I expect that the Ninth Circuit will refuse to hear the appeal.  Which means "Yay California," but "screw you" to the rest of the country.

Yes, the Proponents of Prop 8 had the legal standing to defend it in federal court, but they almost definitively do not have the right to appeal - if for the very reason that the two named plaintiffs in the case did not file an appeal.  In fact, they hold the opposite view.  They joined with the plaintiffs to petition that the stay on same-sex marriage be lifted, allowing California become (again) the 6th state - and 7th US jurisdiction (District of Columbia) to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

If Schwarzenegger or the attorney general (whose name is not even important enough for me to Google) - neither of whom are running for reelection - chose to bite the political bullet and appeal the decision (and allow Proponents of Prop 8 to provide their stellar defense - again, thanks for that) I would not think anything less of them.  Besides, Schwarzenegger's legacy will be Terminator and Kindergarten Cop, not his two terms as governor.

However, there is a court precedence allowing the courts to rule even after throwing out a case due to a lack of standing.  And I really can't believe that I'm about to cite it.  In Dred Scott v. Sandford (yes, I just cited the Dred Scott decision), SCOTUS ruled that Scott lacked the legal standing to sue because he was not a citizen of the United States (because he was a slave). That would have been the end of a still-very wrong decision, but they didn't end there.  They continued on to rule that slaves were property of their owner, and that those property rights do not end upon the owner relocating to a state that outlawed slavery.  Considering many Constitutional scholars argue, rightfully so in my opinion, that the Dred Scott decision was the worst ever handed down by the Supreme Court, I doubt too many courts would use it.  Its possible that there are other cases that could be cited, which of course would just cause the Right to cry foul even louder than they already are.  It is also possible that there are more political nuances than I am reading into it.  The lawyers for the plaintiff both argue that the case is bound for SCOTUS, so maybe they know something I do not.  Especially since one is a neocon golden boy.

Long story short, I believe that Judge Walker will lift the stays on same-sex marriages in California, and the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals will throw out the appeal to Perry v. Schwarzenegger, ending a case that I've already seen extensive breakdown as to how each Supreme Court justice will vote.  The consensus is 5-4 (go figure) with Justice Kennedy casting the deciding vote.  All a moot point if the appeal is thrown out.

On a related note, there are only a few days left before Hubby and I get legally married in DC.  I began planning last night.  Go me.

ADDENDUM: Just read Baker v. Nelson (1972).  SCOTUS dismissed the case in which a same-sex couple sued for the right to apply for a marriage license "for want of a substantial federal question."  Plaitiffs argued in Perry v. Schwarzenegger that Baker no longer applies due to subsequent court decisions.  Also, Proposition 8 was a state law, not federal, meaning that Baker v. Nelson does not apply as precedent.  This is what I get for reading National Review.  They raised a doubt in my mind by citing an obscure precedent.  Which is not really a precedent because SCOTUS dismissed the case (and therefore did not rule on it).

A Brief Lesson About Chores

As I've made abundantly clear the past several weeks, we are in the proccess of Spring cleaning in our house.  And a lot of progress has been made.  One of my big problems is getting motivated to start any task.  Especially cleaning, because once I get started, the end product is spectacular.  However, even when I get started on some tasks, it takes me a very long time to finish.

My last two sets of responsibilities for this year's Spring cleaning? Vacuum the house, and do laundry.  Since we were having people over, I vacuumed the vast majority of the house on Saturday.  Except I was running late, so I only did the rooms that people would be in.  And I still haven't gotten back to finishing.  Even though I left the vacuum in the middle of the bedroom.  So I wouldn't forget.

Hubby has been having me do the laundry for a while now.  Especially since I sit around on my ass and watch Netflix and On Demand all day.  And I'm very good at starting laundry.  Just not finishing it.  Two days ago, I started a load of clothes around noon.  They finally went to the dryer for 20 minutes around seven pm. They got another 20 minutes around nine.  Around 11, they still felt damp, so I added a few more minutes.  I went upstairs to watch some television while I waited.  I went to bed around 4AM.  The clothes came out of the dryer around seven pm.  18 hours after I started laundry.

I wasn't always this bad with laundry.  At my first apartment, I was always on top of it.  It didn't hurt that the washer and dryer were just outside of my bedroom.  Not in the basement like ours is now.  Of course that same apartment, I had the roommate whose dog would crap at the top of the stairs.  Since her bedroom was downstairs, she never noticed.  And then she had the gall to get pissed when my other roommate and I started leaving the dog crap on her bed. 

Then there was the one Saturday night where I came home wasted slightly inebriated and she had been thoughtful enough to put up the dog gate for like the third time ever.  Which I proceeded to get all tangled up in.  And then found out that she had invited FIFTEEN PRESCHOOLERS FOR A SLEEPOVER!!! Without telling her other two roommates.  And I felt like a horrible person.  But not as horrible as the parents should feel for letting their preschoolers spend the night in a college apartment on a Saturday night.  For the record, I don't have any children.  But I think even those that do will agree that this is an example of horrible parenting.

Neither of those anecdotes really have anything to do with laundry.  They just reinforce how much I hated that first apartment.  Now if you'll excuse me, I promised to make a desert for tonight.  And if I start now, I still wont finish before Hubby comes home.  And it has to chill for 6 hours.  I'm on a roll.

Time to End My Laziness

After a period of being very blah due to very disheartening job hunt, I've decided to get back in the saddle.  Not that I haven't started like 8 posts.  But this one I'll finish.  Or just post anyways.  Whichever.

I honestly don't know if people did as I asked, and bought my crap after reading my last post, or if people just found them on eBay all on their own, but our video game crap all sold!! I even got rid of a few of my extra books when I forced them on unsuspecting guests.  And we filled an entire trash bag of video games that we either can't play on our new computers (yes in fact they were that old), or hadn't even been installed on the computer since its last reformat.  And I finally hooked up the new-to-us behemoth of a computer and Hubby finally got it all fixed up yesterday.  We are FINALLY getting organized.

I mentioned long ago that Hubby and I had filed for a marriage license at the DC Courthouse.  And I said I would be quick about giving everyone the date.  Well that's fixed.  It's going to be on MONDAY, AUGUST 16, 2010 AT 1:00 PM.  You are invited.  Of course there is a limit of 15 people in the courtroom.  Parents and siblings (assuming they come) leave only 8 slots.  I created an event on Facebook for it, and if you didn't get an invite through that, email me or message me.  Not my friend on Facebook?  Get on that.  Oh, but I'm unsearchable unless you are already my friend.  Good luck.  By the way, I can honestly say that I hate Facebook.  And I've plugged them too many times.  Myspace. There.  My karma feels balanced.  Speaking of things I hate, I originally wrote the "by the way" as 'btw'.  Thanks for nothing text messaging, IM, and Twitter.  If only I was getting paid to plug these pieces of junk.  Of course, by calling them that, I'm assured that no one will ever want me to plug there stuff on here.  Which is just as well.

Our wedding is getting more politically apropos.  Earlier this year, the US District Court for Northern California heard arguments that Proposition 8 and other bans on same sex marriage are unconstitutional because they violate the 14th amendment to the constitution.  Closing arguments for Perry v. Schwarzenegger were heard mid-June and a verdict will be issued in the next few months.  The lawyers for the plaintiff used similar arguments that were used in court challenges in Massachusetts and Iowa.  This past week, The US District Court in Massachusetts ruled that the federal Defense of Marriage Act was unconstitutional.  Not too fear conservatives, this only applies to Massachusetts. Which already allows gay marriage.  It would have to be appealed to the appellate court, and then appealed to the US Supreme Court.  Of course our wonderful and very progressive president is the one who sent his lawyers to Massachusetts to defend DOMA.  I guess he left the 'not' out on his campaign promise to overturn DOMA.  In reality, though, Both Perry v. Schwarzenegger and Gill v. OPM are the best chance for the status quo to be overturned.  Sorry.  I didn't mean to channel my inner politico.  Don't judge me.

For those who oppose my views on same-sex marriage, I have an alternative.  Apparently, about a year ago, NOMLM issued the following public service announcement:

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

For more information, and to learn how to contribute to this organization (if that is your sort of thing) you can go to http://www.giantgayrepellentumbrella.com.


Oh, and my personal reaction to people who feel that I should be on the first-name basis with a probate lawyer (which I am) to continually ensure that hubby and I have as many of the legal rights as our married friends as possible, instead of just being able to say "I do" and get them whether we want them or not?





For the record, I am tired enough to have considered making my own version and post that instead.  However, I don't know the song, nor know enough about my webcam to know how to do that.  Yes I could figure it out.  But its 2:15 AM.  And I'm tired. However, if you make your own version and send it to me, I'll reciprocate!

EDIT: fixed a few glaring errors.  Probably missed more than I fixed, but whatever.  Also, I promised to link to Hubby's blog whenever he posted his post regarding our trek to DC.  Well he took his sweet time in writing it, so I had made a post since that.  I didn't want to mess up the order of my posts by editing old ones, so I just never linked.  Now I will though.  Because I like to follow through on my promise.  Key word: 'like'.  Because it does not say that I always follow through.  That would just be setting everyone up for disappointment.  Why am I more rambly and less sensical that I was when writing last night?  Anyways, his post is located here.

Buy My Crap, Please!! (Part Two)

I know that I promised that the last time I posted my crap that was for sale on eBay that I would follow it up with a real post.  And I didn't.  It's not my fault.  I swear.  I started a really good post.  But then I got off topic, then confused, and even lost.  Just as I thought I might be able to salvage it, friends picked me up to see the midnight showing of Eclipse.  Don't judge me.  Then we went out of town and were completely off the grid for the weekend.  So that sums up (and I'm counting it as) the post that I had promised for last Tuesday.

Most of the stuff on the last attempt did not sell.  I had one bid on all the items.  One.  And that was made BEFORE I posted the information on here.  C'mon people!! work with me.  I can't get rich off this blog without you!! (who am I kidding...I'm just glad its out of the house)

New Stuff For Sale:

Lot of 5 Sony PS3 Games
Lot of 5 Nintendo DS Games
Lot of 5 Nintendo Wii Games
Sony PS2 Console, 10 Games and 2 Controllers
SEGA Dreamcast Console, 2 Controllers, and More

Most of these already have several bids.  But, other than the PS2 and Dreamcast games, I'm hoping to make enough to justify not having just gone to GameStop.

And I promise to have a REAL post up as soon as I find a way to get myself out of my funk.  I'll tell you all about my weekend off the grid.

Buy My Crap, Please!!

Our friend has posted the first round of our stuff on eBay.  I'm not going to hate you if you don't put a bid in.  I just won't love you anymore.  No, I am not afraid to play the guilt card.



Action Movies
Comedies
Great Movies
Awesome Movies
Heroes Season 1
Gossip Girl Season 1

There are still PS3, Wii, and DS games, as well as a PS2 plus games, and a Dreamcast plus games.  They will probably be posted this weekend, and will also be sold by our friend

Mission Accomplished

I should probably qualify the title.  "Mission Accomplished.  Somewhat.  But not in a George W. Bush sort of way.  I've actually done a lot this week.  Especially for being unemployed.  Stop looking at me like that." The problem was that the title was too long.  So I left it out. But its down in the main body for everyone that was interested.  Seriously, stop looking at me like that.

My last post here was about all the random crap that piled up in the house.  Since then I've done the first two-thirds of what is required for crap disposal.  I have about 50 DVDs in a bags, along with about 15 PS3 or Nintendo DS video games, my Sega Dreamcast and all the games, and my PS2 and all the games.  They are all being shipped off to a friend who will sell them for us on eBay.  It'd be great to make a lot of money out of the deal, but probably not going to happen.  Oh well, at least its out of the house.  On that front, I've been very successful.  On the book front (which is what inspired the trimming), I've been much less successful.  I did pull 80 books off the shelf, plus two years worth of 3 different magazines.  But that's as far as I got with that.

On a more successful note, I also applied for my first teaching job(s)!!  I applied for both middle school and high school level teaching positions in the school district I grew up in.  Until July 1, its a very generic application, but after that, they post all the specific openings at all the district's schools.  I'll know more then.  Of course immediately after I applied I got an email demanding I take one of those crap personality tests online.  They called it a preliminary interview.  I call it BS.  But I need a job, so I took the BS test.

Also, I'm now a contributing author on Hubby's food blog.  It's an unpaid gig, but it gives me a chance to spread my influence.  I keep asking him to put me on staff, but he just looks at me funny.  Even when I offered to work for sex.  He said that constituted sexual harassment in the workplace.  Which is funny, because I don't even work for him.

Of course my number one task this week was to set up the new computer we got from Hubby's brother, transfer files from the old one, and get the old one set up as a media server.  Haven't gotten there yet.  But I did buy tickets to see the midnight premier of Eclipse.  Well a friend bought them for me, but I'm going to see the movie anyways.

It's very pathetic when I actually summed up everything I did for the past week in six (poorly written) paragraphs.  And I still feel accomplished.  I need a job.  Or a life.  But mostly a job.  Don't judge me.

My Life in Trash

I have some clear hoarding traits.  Its not too bad, but I do have trouble throwing things away.  And I like to hold on to things well past any sensible length of time.  Hubby is an enabler.  As long as I can find a way from keeping it from looking too disaster-movie, he allows it.  Its actually quite surprising that he is not a hoarder. 

There are entire rooms that are virtually inaccessible in his parents' house.  And its because of things like videogame boxes and manuals and strategy guides from ten-year old games.  Not to mention the seven pairs of cargo pants that hubby's mother tried to give me when I mentioned that I wanted more casual dress pants to wear when teaching.  I tried to politely decline, as cargo pants are not, by any definition, casual dress pants.  "Oh, but these are very nice cargo pants".  NO SUCH THING.  I managed to talk her out of those.  Unfortunately, I couldn't talk her out of the several pairs of jeans she gave me.  Which had been pressed and folded as if they were dress pants.  Jeans should not have creases.  The jeans are still sitting in a bag on the floor of the bedroom, where they have been since I got them about a year ago.  Long story short, I know you read this blog, hubby's bro.  Go all "Hoarders" on your parents.  But start with your stuff.  Because your mother will have a meltdown.  Like Chernobyl. 

Regardless, this post is not about them.  It is about me.  Aren't all things?  I hoard books, dvds, and video games.  And empty pill bottles.  I think everyone does that.  Except I go throught like two vials a month.  And I never throw them out.  Just in case.  Although I've yet to find an occurance when I needed one let alone twenty.

ALERT

The blog has grown!! The same mediocre layout is now available at a new and improved location.  I'm still tweaking the formatting a little, so things may change a little.  Until the blog gets a complete face-lift.  But that part requires money.  So for now, just enjoy the easier-to-find (and less confusing for me when updating other social networking sites) address!

Job Posting: Navigator Wanted

So we just came back from our whirlwind tour of Virginia.  And if my lack of sense of direction is any indication, most of Maryland.  We had a great time at Hubby's parents - except for the one time we sat downstairs with them and tried to be social.  Awkward silences abounded.  It was bad.  The only true downer of the entire trip was when he got the call that he wasn't getting the job that had been all but given to him already.  Which needless to say has left us completely direction-less.  BUT, we've found the silver-lining. Considering I'm the glass-half-empty type, that's always a very good thing.

We have a few ideas, and he hasn't even had a chance to talk to anyone important.  I'll keep you guessing as to the locations, but I will say that I have already vetoed (repeatedly and emphatically) the one in Boise, Idaho.  I'll post more if and when hubby's job hunt becomes fruitful.

On the other hand, I will be applying to a couple of school districts around my parents (there are absolutely no teaching jobs to be had in Central PA).  Depending on the outcome of that, I may be paying rent to my parents and commuting back to PA on weekends. THIS ENDS THE PART OF THE POST ON THIS.

BIG NEWS.  Hubby and I did apply for a marriage license in DC.  The woman was extremely friendly and congratulatory.  The gentleman at the clerk's office was less helpful, but for reasons that will be explained.

We got to my parents around 11:30am, dropped off our stuff (including our new-to-us broken $2,000 computer that just needs a new video card)  We hopped on the Metro and rode into the city.  I made hubby run at Metro Center because I thought the train was there.  It wasn't.  He was mad.  To say the least.  We then went to Union Station and had lunch, which I don't think I've done since High School.  Then, we decided to walk to the courthouse.  Because it was a super-simple and straightforward walk from Union Station.  I know because I checked Google Maps.  Two weeks ago.  We started off by following a sign for the courthouse.  Which went the wrong way.  We realized we went the wrong way when we hit Chinatown.  Of course we didn't know how far we were off by, so we just walked a block south, then a block west, and repeated.  Then we walked right past the courthouse with me commenting that it was a neat building and wondered what it was.  In my defense, we were still a block north of it, and we'd seen another sign for Judiciary Square.  Finally we got there.  Hubby claims to be planning to write a similar post on his blog where he routes our map.  If he ever does, I'll link to his post.  I'm not doing the busywork, screw that.

I don't know what I expected, but the DC Courthouse definitely wasn't it.  On the way to the Marriage Bureau, which was on the top floor tucked into the VERY back corner of the courthouse down a very narrow hallway - past Paternity Court, several courtrooms, and the mental retardation center.  To describe narrow, we had to squeeze past a cute elderly lesbian couple leaving the marriage bureau as we walked in.  We signed in and waited like 15 minutes before they sat us down and went over everything.  Like I said, the women was extremely friendly and was all-smiles, even when politely helping us fill out the sections I had left blank.  I don't remember her name, but if there is EVER a person who epitomizes the ideal civil servant, it was she.

She handed us a printout, and told us to follow the signs for the Family Court Financial Center.  These were inkjet signs with Word-Art.  A hand-drawn one would have looked more professional. Whatever, I was happy with having accomplished my goal.  Now hubby just needed to pay.  The entire trip, I'd reminded him that he was responsible for the $45 cash that was needed.  As late as while we were sitting in the marriage bureau, he insisted that he had the money.  When we found where we were going (no thanks to the sign that pointed straight forward into a T-intersection) the gentleman, who was mildly irate because we had interrupted his cellphone call, asked for the $45.  I looked at hubby.  He had a blank and bewildered look on his face.  So I politely told him to pay the man.  He told me he only had $27 dollars.  I had $13.  So we had to leave the courthouse and find an ATM.  Then come back.  And finally pay the bill.

Mission accomplished.  With a few minor mis-steps.  I find out the date of our wedding for sure on Monday.  I'll let people know.  And I've decided after asking for input (and getting it) on my last post that I don't really care what you think.  As long as you read.  And leave comments.

Confessions of the Witless

I haven't posted as frequently as I used to.  There are a multitude of reasons.  First and foremost, I've found myself witless.  As in without wit.  And while most of my readers probably don't think I am that funny, I do.  And that's all that matters.  As DG recently pointed out, us bloggers are by nature narcissists.  And recently I do not find myself funny.  Except I find myself quoting Jane Lynch as she appeared in my dream last night.  Don't ask.  Let's just say it involved Russian bombs that resulted in glowing green stuff, the Rocky Mountains, Disney World, a dead Queen, and Jane Lynch.  She told me that she was as serious as Down Syndrome.  I couldn't make this crap up.  Except it was a dream, so apparently I did.

I also find this blog in a weird transition.  The last few posts have been less humorous and more political.  I'm not sure if I want to continue to go that route.  Which leads to the next problem.  I'm still getting a decent number of readers, but I almost never get any feedback.  I have a Facebook convo with D in South Carolina, and a two hour phone call with my lawyer pal in Baltimore.  She's the only lawyer with a soul I know.  They gave good feedback.  What I'm convolutedly trying to say is that I need feedback to know which direction people want me to direct this blog.

And this is where the real confessions come in.  I'm still jobless, and feeling very blah about it.  And hubby did not get the job that has been dangled in front of him for the past four months.  So our future is currently non-existent.  Making me feel even blahier. And I've been at my inlaws for the past several days.  And I am going to claim that they stifle my creativity.  I have no evidence to back it up.  But it feels right.

On the plus-side, hubby had a wonderful time in Prague (and even brought me a bottle of absinthe.  And I giant bar of Toblerone.  He really loves me.) So head on over and check out his first post about his trip.  And we are still planning on dropping off a marriage application in DC tomorrow.

Hopefully in the near future, I'll be back to my usual witty self (at least to me).  Until then, bear with me.

I Sometimes Follow Through With Empty Promises

The other day, DG called me after reading my last post.  She wanted to know what any potential downsides there were to getting legally married.  I didn't have a great answer (and still don't).  Besides, I was walking out of the house to drive to Harrisburg to pick up the hubby from his interview when she called, and I was carrying his 'surprise', which was envelope with a DC marriage license form filled out.

That's right, we're planning on going ahead with it.  One down side, though.  Apparently, someone official has to preside over a ceremony.  And the DC court will do it for free.  Sure its not the renegade stairs of the Lincoln Memorial like I wanted, or the renegade Jefferson Memorial Rotunda like hubby wanted. Big deal.  The actual downside? 8-10 week waiting list.  Apparently, we aren't the only fags desperate to get hitched.

What does that mean?  It means I need to go to DC, and turn in the marriage license application.  Then come back five business days later to pick up our marriage license.  Which, I've now learned does NOT mean that we are married.  Then, we have to come back to do the super-short version of a wedding ala Spaceballs at some unspecified point in the future.

Again, still have to wait on other stuff, but it seems like things are progressing.  All I know is that I'm positively blissed (except for being bored out of my mind)  For the record, this is Day One of seven.  I'm going to go crazy.  I just know it.

But We Did That Already. Right?

I've been in a committed relationship with FertKiki for over seven years now.  That's like 21 typical gay relationships.  At least.  Four years ago, we had a (not-legally-binding) wedding ceremony down at Virginia Tech by the pastor of a pretty United Church of Christ in Blacksburg.  Interesting side-note: last I heard, she has resigned as the pastor of that church, and I heard a rumor that she was to be a pastor at the UCC church in Washington DC that the Obama family attends occasionally.  However, I cannot find any proof of that.  Maybe my source is a loyal reader, and will be kind enough to let me know!

So for four years, I've referred to FertKiki as my husband.  On top of that, we participated in a commitment ceremony On Penn State's campus officiated by the recently deceased State College mayor, one of the most friendly and passionate people that I've ever had the pleasure of working with.  That was just over two years ago.  Just don't ask me when.  I got our dating anniversary still, our wedding anniversary, and finally his birthday.  But I don't know the date of our second ceremony.

Why the hell am I bringing this up, you ask?  Because I'm thinking about popping the question again.  Well technically, I alluded to it on the phone with him about an hour ago.  We've talked a lot about getting a legal wedding for quite a while, but haven't felt particularly motivated, especially since Pennsyltucky is a state with a DOMA statute.  But now we're moving. Most likely.  Maybe.  Hopefully.  FertKiki had his interview(s) today in New Mexico, and he should hear back in about a week.  Via telephone.  While he is at a conference in Europe.  And can't use his cell phone.  I just KNEW a situation like this would come up five years ago when we were trying to decide between ATT and Verizon.

New Mexico is a unique state in the gay marriage front.  They have not passed a law either banning or allowing same-sex marriage.  And their constitution uses the same obliquely-worded passages as the ones struck down in California, Iowa, and Massachusetts had (along with others).  And, the state courts have never ruled on the issue (unlike the three above).  However, unlike New York (which until this point was identical) the courts have not ruled on the issue of out-of-state same-sex marriages (I never get to use the hyphen this much).  In fact, New Mexico was one of the states back in 2004 in which some marriage licenses were issued to same-sex couples (as was also done in California, New York, and Washington).  However, it is the only state that did not then have all licenses annulled.

They don't seem particularly eager to push the issue either way.  In 2008, a bill was killed in the Senate that would have legalized same-sex marriages in New Mexico (after being passed in the House).  No later attempt has been made.  The last year an attempt to outlaw same-sex marriage made serious progress was in 2005.

Why don't I just wait until it becomes clear?  For starters, because I'm sick of waiting.  I've always hated the comparison between the Gay Civil Rights Movement and the Black Civil Rights Movement, but one of the most powerful things that I have ever read is Letter From a Birmingham Jail, written by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  It makes me cry every time I read it.  And tear up thinking about it.  And now that I've looked it up, I'm crying like a baby.

"Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging dark of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; ... then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair." FULL TEXT

I'm not saying that I have had to experience ANYTHING akin to that in my lifetime.  But when all I want is hospital visitation rights, legal power of attorney, and most importantly inheritance rights.  I don't think I'm being greedy. Or that I'm asking too much.

For the record, there is a less-than-altruistic desire as well.  The company that might be offering FertKiki a job will pay to relocate both of us, but will only fly out him and his legal spouse to job hunt.  $45 bucks and a week at my parents versus round trip airfare and meals.  Easy choice.  Don't judge me.

BTW, if nuptials are forthcoming, I'll eventually post information.  It'll take a while to come to a decision either way.  And I even think I may have to hire a lawyer to do so.  Yuck.  All lawyers are evil.  Except for all the ones that read this.  They are some of the best people in the whole world.  If you can give me any advice on New Mexico tax law, call me!

EDIT: I go off the deep end a little when I'm stuck with only my own thoughts for an extended period of time.  I've only been unattended for two days.  Imagine what next week will be like.  I'll be alone for a whole week.

Lessons Learned

My unemployment is beginning to become extremely expensive.  When I quit working in hell (aka you friendly neighborhood mega-mart), we budgeted that we could make it through June without any problems.  And we have been doing much better than we budgeted.  Until tax time.  Don't get me wrong, my tax return was amazing.  I was eligible for some deduction since I was 25 or older and still a full time student.  Like crazy amount of money deduction.  This is the third time I'd filed taxes since I turned 25.  And I've been a full time student every time.  WHY DIDN'T I GET IT THE OTHER TIMES?!?!

That said, I spent the money right away between my pretty pretty laptop, and FertKiki's stand mixer.  There went that tax return.

And I can hear what you are asking.  Why write about this at the end of May, when taxes were due mid-April, and both items were purchased a month ago?  Because that was the beginning of my downfall.  I proceeded to buy Rock Band (because I'm bored), eat out more (because I'm bored) and go out at night with friends (because I'm bored).  Budget-wise, we will still make it through June - and maybe even July.  Like I said, we'd been doing really well with our budget (a first for me).  Then the money runs out.

I'm still holding out to see if I can get an education-related job for the summer to pad my resume because I care about the children.  But I still need one last clearance to come back from the state.  If that fails?  Back to Hell, if need be.  Although if we'll be moving to New Mexico in December/January, I'm going to need to travel all over the place to see people.  Which requires time off from work.  But also requires money.

FertKiki flies down in a few days for his lengthy series of interviews.  For all I know, my future may become a lot more concrete by this time next week.  Here's hoping.

For the record, I've also become obsessed with Wife Swap and Desperate Housewives on Lifetime.  I need to get out of the house more GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!

Just Watched Glee and I'm Not Wearing Pants

I can assure you, the two are not related.  But I hopefully got you're attention now.  And don't worry, I'm not feeling particularly hormonal.  It may be because I already have all the music from the episode, or it may be because I got it all out of my system early on, and FertKiki stole the remote from me so that I could not re-watch any scenes.  Not sure which.

I am not wearing pants because the 130 year-old house we live in takes a while to heat up in the spring, but when it does, its a bitch.  I was wearing jeans, but the living room is up to 80.  Why not just open a window? because that lets hotter air in.  Why not turn on the AC?  Because when they installed central heat, they decided not to bother with the simple other half of that.  Not that the central heat is very efficient.  I assume it was done by the same contractor who put in our carpets (meaning the previous tenants on their own time and budget).  Let's just say that industrial does not BEGIN to describe them.  Tomorrow, I'll drag the window unit from the basement and put in place, and that will be that. 

This evening, Domesticated Goddess described all of her previous relationships (ours included).  I am 'F' at the bottom.  In case you don't follow the link right back to my blog.  Or remember that I earlier accused her of turning me gay.  I thought about doing a similar schtick with my former ex's.  But the fact that I lack all creativity does not give me the right to continue to steal ideas for posts from her.  At least the same day that she posts them.

I will say that there are a few inaccuracies with her depiction of high school me.  First off, the shirt with velvet flames was just about as classy as the "watermelon shirt".  While I have drastically improved my fashion sense, I should not be allowed to dress myself.  Unless it is a shirt and tie.  For some reason, I can usually do that pretty well.  Secondly, there was actually a bet going around the school as to when I would come out.  I hadn't planned on being the douche who broke up with (and came out to) my girlfriend on AIM, but I was too big of a chicken to do so on our first solo date (like two months into our relationship).  We saw a matinée of Dr. Doolittle 2.  The most romantic date I've ever been on.  So I did it that night. On AIM.  Like a douche.  And she still talks to me.

On the job-hunt front, FertKiki will be traveling to Albuquerque in less than a week for his interview.  With any luck, He'll know by the end of next week, which means that I will know by the end of next week where to look for a job.  Kinda important to narrow down the job hunt to at least which side of the country.  Obviously, much more to come as more details come to light.

Maybe Things Work Backwards Out West

As I've mentioned before, there's a good chance that FertKiki will get a job at a research facility in Albuquerque (ala my freakout).  Its still not set in stone.  In fact, on June 2, he flies to Albuquerque for his second interview.  He's told me that its largely a formality, but its definitely being treated with utmost professionalism.  However, yesterday he received an email about his visit.  In it, he was given all the necessary information about benefits, relocation, and house-hunting.  Maybe it's just me, but that is stuff that someone who is ALREADY HIRED needs.  I'm not sure if I violated national security, considering I read the email that was labeled "for use by recipient only", but considering I'm a dependent, and therefore directly affected by benefits and relocation information, I'm calling it even.

On a (at one point related) tangent, we are going to visit my family this weekend.  My grandparents are visiting from Texas, and my brother's fiance's parents are coming to a barbecue on Saturday.  It'll be good times.  In fact, I've been updating my iPod for the trip.  That's right, there's a new Glee album that apparently came out today (I just went to iTunes and downloaded whatever was there).  I also downloaded a bunch of Lady Gaga and other songs that make me happy.  Its a four-hour drive.  And my iPod already has enough music to last for like 7 days.  And I have like 20 CDs I like in my car.  And I know all the good radio stations between here and my parents.  But I NEED these new songs.  Don't judge me.  Glee is my opium, and Lady Gaga is my crack.

We were supposed to visit my in-laws, but fortunately unfortunately we can not make it this trip.  We still haven't told them that our next location is most likely New Mexico.  They've told us in no uncertain terms that they want us to live somewhere between Charlottesville, VA and Blacksburg, VA (dead-central VA to southwest VA).  We've tried to tell them in no uncertain terms that NO WAY IN HELL WILL WE DO THAT, but they won't take the not-so-subtle hints.  In fact, they keep sending us job descriptions clipped out of newspapers and magazines for things such as "bridge stress analyzer. Which requires a bachelors.  He has a PhD.  In a VERY high demand branch of engineering.  In fact, he'd be highly qualified to be a college professor.  If they were to put together a pitch for him to apply for an assistant professor position at Virginia Tech or (shudder) UVA.  Sorry, DG, but I still haven't entirely reconciled your choice of alma matter.  Nor my brother.  Nor his fiancé.

We were planning on doing that this trip, but not only does my wonderful hubby have to travel to New Mexico for a whirl-wind interview on June 2, but on July 5 he flies to Prague for a conference.  I'm incredibly jealous that I cannot afford the $1,200 airfare.  Especially I wouldn't be obligated to go to any of the week-long conference and just explore Bohemia.  And try absinthe.  But only because its expected of people to do that there.  It's in there constitution or something.  That's what I read at least.  I think.  Maybe I'm just making it up as I go.  Either way, I'd totally trip and see the mini Nicole Kidman and here funky musical-styled covers of pop songs. Because what happens in Baz Luhrman movies is exactly what happens in real life.

I Think I May Be Pregnant

No, I haven't forgotten how that works.  I know that a guy can't get pregnant from having sex with another guy.  But, as the legendary Harvey Milk put it, "God knows we keep trying."

So I am extremely hormonal, which for your enjoyment, I have decided to share.  And on a completely related tangent that must be told first, Glee is dangerous to your health. Not my health.  Yours.  As long as you watch it with me.

Symptoms:

• Deafness from my squealing
• Bleeding ears from my shrieking
• Scratch marks and bruises from me grabbing anything nearby
• Scratch marks from the cat trying to get away from the noises I make
• Scratch marks from the dog trying to get out of my grasp

I don't know when it got this bad, but I'm officially addicted.  FertKiki has given me an official warning that I might be banned from watching the show.  I threatened to rewatch the episode immediately, and he caved.  For now.

Then he (accidentally) managed to seriously upset me. Which wasn't hard. Considering I have the whole pregnancy-hormones thing going on tonight.  He mentioned that Glee had three trending topics on Twitter.  Two of which had plot spoilers and a third was about next weeks episode (LADY GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!...shit, just woke the whole house up).  This was at 10:20 EDT.  That's when it hit me.

I've mentioned before that there is a strong likelihood that I will end up in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  Which is in Mountain Time.  Meaning that at the time that spoilers were appearing as trending topics, there would be TWO HOURS OF SUFFERING until I'd be able to actually see the episode.  I actually started crying. Uncontrollably.  About a television show.  Even I knew it was wrong, and was trying to hold it in.  FertKiki was laughing at me.  Loudly.

I was excited about the idea of moving.  But now?  Not so sure.  Because I'll watch Glee later than people on the East Coast.  Unacceptable.

On a related note, I'm currently acquiring every episode of Glee so far.  Don't rat on me.  I'm trusting you interwebs.  Don't let me down.  He'll take my laptop from me!!

EDIT: Apparently, while it is currently two hours earlier in Albuquerque, they are nice enough to start prime time television at seven instead of eight.  Meaning I'll only be an hour behind in my Glee watching.  That's a slightly more bearable.



EDIT: While I was trying to find the exact quote from Harvey Milk, I actually found the following question asked at Yahoo Answers here:

I heard that some gay guy named Harvey Milk is like a hero because he went into city hall and shot some people. Why is he a hero and why did he kill those people? Was he dying of aids and just mad at the world or something? How would that make him some kind of messiah? Was he cooler than Obama?

Things like this make my brain hurt.  And am about to cry, which is not helping with the whole hormonal thing.

FINAL?? EDIT: I corrected a few minor/major errors that I noticed only after a reread and added tags.  This is what happens when I post when my official blog previewer is asleep.  My bad.

Imitation as a Source of Inspiration

I feel like I know a celebrity.  Well, at least a snarky and voluptuous stay-at-home mom, who spends her free time complaining on her blog.  We even dated for like a month.  Domesticated Gal is probably the only person in the entire universe that I can drunkenly introduce as "the girl who turned me gay" to my fraternity brothers without kicking my ass.  Especially when they already knew her name. 

Between an exchange on facebook last night and reading her new post this afternoon I feel a special kinship.  See, we both moved to forsaken wastelands for the person that we are forced to tolerate unwaveringly love.  And we both find ourselves severely lacking in the job department.

I quit a lucrative and rewarding job at the world's largest retail company (you know the one) to finish up my teaching certification.  Which was unpaid.  And now that that is finished? No job.  And my clearances have expired, so despite the fact I have my certification, I can't apply for any jobs until I get my clearances back.  On top of that, like my move to my current location, FerretKiki gets the big bucks, so I get to follow him.  And he gets his PhD in December.  Which is half-way through the school year.  And I want to be a teacher.  I've been unemployed (and unstructured) for almost two weeks and I'm ready to kill.  And its still May.  F My Life.

For the record, I'm pretty sure that Domesticated Gal's husband is still straight.  So its not her.  And if it is? Jason, call me!

This Bud's for You!

I know its been forever, but I know my faithful readers will cut me a little slack on that.  I was poisoning enriching the minds of the next generation.  Their way of showing their appreciation?  They got me sick.  Not just a little sick.  Like laryngitis and death-warmed-over flu.  That was about six weeks ago.  Why am I writing now?  Because I suck.  And I finally got around to visiting the doctor.

One thing about student teaching is that they don't cut you any slack.  No personal days. No sick days.  Notes from doctors are not accepted.  Unless its from a pathologist.  I'm pretty sure that being absent on account of being dead is excused.  Except you still wont pass. Because you're dead.  And it has to be you: the death of immediate family members allows you to miss A day of student teaching, but you have to make it up.

Since my doctor is on Penn State's campus, and I was in Lock Haven (45 minutes to anywhere in State College EXCEPT the campus) it was pretty much impossible to make it to an appointment.  And usually by the end of the day I didn't feel sick, just tired.  So after the deluge of symptoms went away and I was left with post-illness sniffles, I just stopped taking medicine.  Then the sniffles got worse and my ears clogged.  FertKiki insisted I call the doctor.  What did I do? Wait patiently for the symptoms to go away.  Physically I felt fine, so why should I deal with the headache that is a visit to the doctor?

Anyways, now that I'm done with student teaching (I still procrastinated for over a week) I finally went to see the doctor.  Turns out that the sniffles were the result of a severe sinus infection.  And the clogged ear?  A severe ear infection.  When the doctor asked why I waited, I told him that it wasn't bothering me.  He didn't seem to believe me that I could have that bad of an ear infection and it not hurt.  I guess I'm like Superman or something. Only I cant fly. And I don't run.  And I'm not particularly strong.  Or in shape at all.

So now I'm on doctor's orders to take Sudafed generic over-the-counter decongestants (I guess all the free pens and pads that pharmaceutical industry sends to doctors is lost on this guy) and a pill so large that I can only assume that they are horse tranquilizers.  Only I'm still conscious.  So they're sucky horse tranquilizers.

I'm also required to drink plenty of fluids.  He didn't say that I could not drink alcohol.  They pills don't say "do not consume with alcohol".  Therefore I can only assume that he wants me to drink plenty of alcohol.  Which is pretty crappy advice for a doctor to give.  I'll follow that advice, because I always do what people tell me, but I'm pretty sure this guy is a quack.  Can I sue for malpractice if I follow his advice and my liver fails, or I get alcohol poisoning?  I'm pretty sure I can.  We're pretty broke.  I better start drinking.  I do have a giant bottle of champagne in the fridge from last weekend that we were to drunk to remember forgot about.