Lessons Learned

My unemployment is beginning to become extremely expensive.  When I quit working in hell (aka you friendly neighborhood mega-mart), we budgeted that we could make it through June without any problems.  And we have been doing much better than we budgeted.  Until tax time.  Don't get me wrong, my tax return was amazing.  I was eligible for some deduction since I was 25 or older and still a full time student.  Like crazy amount of money deduction.  This is the third time I'd filed taxes since I turned 25.  And I've been a full time student every time.  WHY DIDN'T I GET IT THE OTHER TIMES?!?!

That said, I spent the money right away between my pretty pretty laptop, and FertKiki's stand mixer.  There went that tax return.

And I can hear what you are asking.  Why write about this at the end of May, when taxes were due mid-April, and both items were purchased a month ago?  Because that was the beginning of my downfall.  I proceeded to buy Rock Band (because I'm bored), eat out more (because I'm bored) and go out at night with friends (because I'm bored).  Budget-wise, we will still make it through June - and maybe even July.  Like I said, we'd been doing really well with our budget (a first for me).  Then the money runs out.

I'm still holding out to see if I can get an education-related job for the summer to pad my resume because I care about the children.  But I still need one last clearance to come back from the state.  If that fails?  Back to Hell, if need be.  Although if we'll be moving to New Mexico in December/January, I'm going to need to travel all over the place to see people.  Which requires time off from work.  But also requires money.

FertKiki flies down in a few days for his lengthy series of interviews.  For all I know, my future may become a lot more concrete by this time next week.  Here's hoping.

For the record, I've also become obsessed with Wife Swap and Desperate Housewives on Lifetime.  I need to get out of the house more GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!

Just Watched Glee and I'm Not Wearing Pants

I can assure you, the two are not related.  But I hopefully got you're attention now.  And don't worry, I'm not feeling particularly hormonal.  It may be because I already have all the music from the episode, or it may be because I got it all out of my system early on, and FertKiki stole the remote from me so that I could not re-watch any scenes.  Not sure which.

I am not wearing pants because the 130 year-old house we live in takes a while to heat up in the spring, but when it does, its a bitch.  I was wearing jeans, but the living room is up to 80.  Why not just open a window? because that lets hotter air in.  Why not turn on the AC?  Because when they installed central heat, they decided not to bother with the simple other half of that.  Not that the central heat is very efficient.  I assume it was done by the same contractor who put in our carpets (meaning the previous tenants on their own time and budget).  Let's just say that industrial does not BEGIN to describe them.  Tomorrow, I'll drag the window unit from the basement and put in place, and that will be that. 

This evening, Domesticated Goddess described all of her previous relationships (ours included).  I am 'F' at the bottom.  In case you don't follow the link right back to my blog.  Or remember that I earlier accused her of turning me gay.  I thought about doing a similar schtick with my former ex's.  But the fact that I lack all creativity does not give me the right to continue to steal ideas for posts from her.  At least the same day that she posts them.

I will say that there are a few inaccuracies with her depiction of high school me.  First off, the shirt with velvet flames was just about as classy as the "watermelon shirt".  While I have drastically improved my fashion sense, I should not be allowed to dress myself.  Unless it is a shirt and tie.  For some reason, I can usually do that pretty well.  Secondly, there was actually a bet going around the school as to when I would come out.  I hadn't planned on being the douche who broke up with (and came out to) my girlfriend on AIM, but I was too big of a chicken to do so on our first solo date (like two months into our relationship).  We saw a matinée of Dr. Doolittle 2.  The most romantic date I've ever been on.  So I did it that night. On AIM.  Like a douche.  And she still talks to me.

On the job-hunt front, FertKiki will be traveling to Albuquerque in less than a week for his interview.  With any luck, He'll know by the end of next week, which means that I will know by the end of next week where to look for a job.  Kinda important to narrow down the job hunt to at least which side of the country.  Obviously, much more to come as more details come to light.

Maybe Things Work Backwards Out West

As I've mentioned before, there's a good chance that FertKiki will get a job at a research facility in Albuquerque (ala my freakout).  Its still not set in stone.  In fact, on June 2, he flies to Albuquerque for his second interview.  He's told me that its largely a formality, but its definitely being treated with utmost professionalism.  However, yesterday he received an email about his visit.  In it, he was given all the necessary information about benefits, relocation, and house-hunting.  Maybe it's just me, but that is stuff that someone who is ALREADY HIRED needs.  I'm not sure if I violated national security, considering I read the email that was labeled "for use by recipient only", but considering I'm a dependent, and therefore directly affected by benefits and relocation information, I'm calling it even.

On a (at one point related) tangent, we are going to visit my family this weekend.  My grandparents are visiting from Texas, and my brother's fiance's parents are coming to a barbecue on Saturday.  It'll be good times.  In fact, I've been updating my iPod for the trip.  That's right, there's a new Glee album that apparently came out today (I just went to iTunes and downloaded whatever was there).  I also downloaded a bunch of Lady Gaga and other songs that make me happy.  Its a four-hour drive.  And my iPod already has enough music to last for like 7 days.  And I have like 20 CDs I like in my car.  And I know all the good radio stations between here and my parents.  But I NEED these new songs.  Don't judge me.  Glee is my opium, and Lady Gaga is my crack.

We were supposed to visit my in-laws, but fortunately unfortunately we can not make it this trip.  We still haven't told them that our next location is most likely New Mexico.  They've told us in no uncertain terms that they want us to live somewhere between Charlottesville, VA and Blacksburg, VA (dead-central VA to southwest VA).  We've tried to tell them in no uncertain terms that NO WAY IN HELL WILL WE DO THAT, but they won't take the not-so-subtle hints.  In fact, they keep sending us job descriptions clipped out of newspapers and magazines for things such as "bridge stress analyzer. Which requires a bachelors.  He has a PhD.  In a VERY high demand branch of engineering.  In fact, he'd be highly qualified to be a college professor.  If they were to put together a pitch for him to apply for an assistant professor position at Virginia Tech or (shudder) UVA.  Sorry, DG, but I still haven't entirely reconciled your choice of alma matter.  Nor my brother.  Nor his fiancé.

We were planning on doing that this trip, but not only does my wonderful hubby have to travel to New Mexico for a whirl-wind interview on June 2, but on July 5 he flies to Prague for a conference.  I'm incredibly jealous that I cannot afford the $1,200 airfare.  Especially I wouldn't be obligated to go to any of the week-long conference and just explore Bohemia.  And try absinthe.  But only because its expected of people to do that there.  It's in there constitution or something.  That's what I read at least.  I think.  Maybe I'm just making it up as I go.  Either way, I'd totally trip and see the mini Nicole Kidman and here funky musical-styled covers of pop songs. Because what happens in Baz Luhrman movies is exactly what happens in real life.

I Think I May Be Pregnant

No, I haven't forgotten how that works.  I know that a guy can't get pregnant from having sex with another guy.  But, as the legendary Harvey Milk put it, "God knows we keep trying."

So I am extremely hormonal, which for your enjoyment, I have decided to share.  And on a completely related tangent that must be told first, Glee is dangerous to your health. Not my health.  Yours.  As long as you watch it with me.

Symptoms:

• Deafness from my squealing
• Bleeding ears from my shrieking
• Scratch marks and bruises from me grabbing anything nearby
• Scratch marks from the cat trying to get away from the noises I make
• Scratch marks from the dog trying to get out of my grasp

I don't know when it got this bad, but I'm officially addicted.  FertKiki has given me an official warning that I might be banned from watching the show.  I threatened to rewatch the episode immediately, and he caved.  For now.

Then he (accidentally) managed to seriously upset me. Which wasn't hard. Considering I have the whole pregnancy-hormones thing going on tonight.  He mentioned that Glee had three trending topics on Twitter.  Two of which had plot spoilers and a third was about next weeks episode (LADY GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!...shit, just woke the whole house up).  This was at 10:20 EDT.  That's when it hit me.

I've mentioned before that there is a strong likelihood that I will end up in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  Which is in Mountain Time.  Meaning that at the time that spoilers were appearing as trending topics, there would be TWO HOURS OF SUFFERING until I'd be able to actually see the episode.  I actually started crying. Uncontrollably.  About a television show.  Even I knew it was wrong, and was trying to hold it in.  FertKiki was laughing at me.  Loudly.

I was excited about the idea of moving.  But now?  Not so sure.  Because I'll watch Glee later than people on the East Coast.  Unacceptable.

On a related note, I'm currently acquiring every episode of Glee so far.  Don't rat on me.  I'm trusting you interwebs.  Don't let me down.  He'll take my laptop from me!!

EDIT: Apparently, while it is currently two hours earlier in Albuquerque, they are nice enough to start prime time television at seven instead of eight.  Meaning I'll only be an hour behind in my Glee watching.  That's a slightly more bearable.



EDIT: While I was trying to find the exact quote from Harvey Milk, I actually found the following question asked at Yahoo Answers here:

I heard that some gay guy named Harvey Milk is like a hero because he went into city hall and shot some people. Why is he a hero and why did he kill those people? Was he dying of aids and just mad at the world or something? How would that make him some kind of messiah? Was he cooler than Obama?

Things like this make my brain hurt.  And am about to cry, which is not helping with the whole hormonal thing.

FINAL?? EDIT: I corrected a few minor/major errors that I noticed only after a reread and added tags.  This is what happens when I post when my official blog previewer is asleep.  My bad.

Imitation as a Source of Inspiration

I feel like I know a celebrity.  Well, at least a snarky and voluptuous stay-at-home mom, who spends her free time complaining on her blog.  We even dated for like a month.  Domesticated Gal is probably the only person in the entire universe that I can drunkenly introduce as "the girl who turned me gay" to my fraternity brothers without kicking my ass.  Especially when they already knew her name. 

Between an exchange on facebook last night and reading her new post this afternoon I feel a special kinship.  See, we both moved to forsaken wastelands for the person that we are forced to tolerate unwaveringly love.  And we both find ourselves severely lacking in the job department.

I quit a lucrative and rewarding job at the world's largest retail company (you know the one) to finish up my teaching certification.  Which was unpaid.  And now that that is finished? No job.  And my clearances have expired, so despite the fact I have my certification, I can't apply for any jobs until I get my clearances back.  On top of that, like my move to my current location, FerretKiki gets the big bucks, so I get to follow him.  And he gets his PhD in December.  Which is half-way through the school year.  And I want to be a teacher.  I've been unemployed (and unstructured) for almost two weeks and I'm ready to kill.  And its still May.  F My Life.

For the record, I'm pretty sure that Domesticated Gal's husband is still straight.  So its not her.  And if it is? Jason, call me!

This Bud's for You!

I know its been forever, but I know my faithful readers will cut me a little slack on that.  I was poisoning enriching the minds of the next generation.  Their way of showing their appreciation?  They got me sick.  Not just a little sick.  Like laryngitis and death-warmed-over flu.  That was about six weeks ago.  Why am I writing now?  Because I suck.  And I finally got around to visiting the doctor.

One thing about student teaching is that they don't cut you any slack.  No personal days. No sick days.  Notes from doctors are not accepted.  Unless its from a pathologist.  I'm pretty sure that being absent on account of being dead is excused.  Except you still wont pass. Because you're dead.  And it has to be you: the death of immediate family members allows you to miss A day of student teaching, but you have to make it up.

Since my doctor is on Penn State's campus, and I was in Lock Haven (45 minutes to anywhere in State College EXCEPT the campus) it was pretty much impossible to make it to an appointment.  And usually by the end of the day I didn't feel sick, just tired.  So after the deluge of symptoms went away and I was left with post-illness sniffles, I just stopped taking medicine.  Then the sniffles got worse and my ears clogged.  FertKiki insisted I call the doctor.  What did I do? Wait patiently for the symptoms to go away.  Physically I felt fine, so why should I deal with the headache that is a visit to the doctor?

Anyways, now that I'm done with student teaching (I still procrastinated for over a week) I finally went to see the doctor.  Turns out that the sniffles were the result of a severe sinus infection.  And the clogged ear?  A severe ear infection.  When the doctor asked why I waited, I told him that it wasn't bothering me.  He didn't seem to believe me that I could have that bad of an ear infection and it not hurt.  I guess I'm like Superman or something. Only I cant fly. And I don't run.  And I'm not particularly strong.  Or in shape at all.

So now I'm on doctor's orders to take Sudafed generic over-the-counter decongestants (I guess all the free pens and pads that pharmaceutical industry sends to doctors is lost on this guy) and a pill so large that I can only assume that they are horse tranquilizers.  Only I'm still conscious.  So they're sucky horse tranquilizers.

I'm also required to drink plenty of fluids.  He didn't say that I could not drink alcohol.  They pills don't say "do not consume with alcohol".  Therefore I can only assume that he wants me to drink plenty of alcohol.  Which is pretty crappy advice for a doctor to give.  I'll follow that advice, because I always do what people tell me, but I'm pretty sure this guy is a quack.  Can I sue for malpractice if I follow his advice and my liver fails, or I get alcohol poisoning?  I'm pretty sure I can.  We're pretty broke.  I better start drinking.  I do have a giant bottle of champagne in the fridge from last weekend that we were to drunk to remember forgot about.