What to Expect When You're Expecting (Gay Edition)

First off, for the record I'm not.  Nor is Hubby. At least that I know of.  And hope.  Because that would be an awkward conversation.  Also, this post was supposed to come immediately after my last one.  And I was extremely excited about having two posts in the same month for the first time in forever.  Then I realized that they would not be in the same month.  So I aimed for the same week.  Which also didn't happen.  But here it is.

Hubby and I have talked a lot about having kids sometime in the eventual future.  But there's one small issue.  See many married straight friends have voiced jealousy towards us in regards that we never have to worry about getting accidentally pregnant.  While that's nice, no matter how hard we try, we'll never be able to get pregnant on purpose. However, there are many possible alternatives.

Want a kid biologically your own?  Just have a drunken one-night stand with a woman.  If that's not your thing, there is always surrogates and in vitro fertilization.  However, using a seperate egg donar and a surrogate, you can pay up to $70,000 just to achieve fertilization.  Even at the priciest bar, you can expect a bar tab of only several hundred for two.  So suck it up and take one for the team.

Don't care if the kid is biologically related? That's fine too. There are many children not fortunate enough to have a loving family of their own here in the US. Also, adopted children can be had for little or not cost to you!  Now you just have to decide the age of kid you are looking to adopt.  Remember, the earlier before the teenage years, the more chances you have to love them before they become little (or not-so-little) rebellious shits.

Interested in adopting children not fortunate enough to live in the US? Madonna and Angelina have led the way in raising interest in adopting children internationally.  It is important to remember that you will have to visit where ever you are adopting from, so think of it as planning your next exotic vacation.  If you aren't interested in traveling there, don't bother adopting from there.  Obviously, you can try to accessorize with your children (ala Angelina), but I recommend avoiding this desire if possible.  Fashions change, and kids can't be swapped out as easily as your wardrobe.

Hopefully, this guide has helped you in your quest to become daddies.  I know there are countless resources out there to help make your decision, but you chose me.  No, I don't know what's wrong with you.  Seriously, something must be.

ADDENDUM: Hubby just reminded me about pets.  Many gay couples have pets that they call their children.  They give them people names and spoil them rotten.  While pets may serve as a surrogate of sorts, they are only for people too lazy to deal with actual responsibility.  Pets are great, but they are not substitutes for real children.  Any gay person that says otherwise is full of it.