On The Bandwagon

There has been a rash of suicides among teens over the sexuality recently.  These children were bullied and harassed by their peers - often only about their perceived sexuality.  If you don't know about these suicides, I'm shocked.  Stop here and go to a news site and catch up.  I'll wait. Many bloggers and celebrities have come out and blasted the parents of the bullies, and the bullies themselves.  I've decided that I need to put my two cents in.

The parents of the bullies and conservative pundits have defended the bullies blindly.  After all, aren't they just being kids.  That's what kids do? Right? They bully.

Unfortunately, yes they do.  I know I've done my fair share of smack-talk.  However, over the years, I've learned that it either comes back to bite me in the ass or I feel like crap about it - sometimes long after the other person has gotten over it and moved on. The Bloggess wrote a really good piece on this here.

As everyone knows, kids can be cruel.  It's not that they're evil, its just that they haven't quite figured out what is and isn't appropriate to say, and why.  They also like to test their boundaries.  They like to see how far they can go, and what a person's reaction will be.  And where do they do this the most? In schools.

To be completely honest, I haven't followed a lot of the online mud-fight.  However, I will go out on a limb and place a fair bit of the blame on teachers.  Its easy as an educator to jump in and stop physical bullying or profane language.  It takes a little more strength to stop someone when you hear "gay" or "fag".  In fact, I once wrote a paper based on the findings of SafeSchoolsNC, a North Carolina based organization, whose intention is to eliminate harassment and bullying in all forms in public schools in North Carolina.  The findings of their research is clear:  in the 30 days prior to being interviewed, 7% of heterosexual students reported being threatened with a weapon in school.  During that same period, 33% of homosexual students were threatened.  In addition, in schools that did not have a school policy that included sexual orientation, 53% of students frequently heard words such as "faggot", "dyke", or "queer", and teachers intervened frequently only 6.6% of the time.  The report, published in 2006, can be found here. (pdf, 25 pages)

Unfortunately, I place possibly most of the blame on the parents of the victims.  I'm sure they do to.  I am very sorry for their loss, and cannot comprehend what it would be like to lose your child.  However, I'm not sure if any of them had ever had a conversation with their children about how a parent's love is unconditional.  And tell them that whoever said "words can never hurt me" is full of shit, but life gets better.  Struggling with sexuality is something I've gone through.  It took me through most of high school to admit (only to myself) that I might just possibly be a scosche bisexual.  But not gay.  Even though I'm only really attracted to guys. But if I'm bisexual, then I can still be normal, right?

EDIT: I don't blame the parents for the bullying of their children.  I blame the parents for the fact that their children thought that they would not be loved and that the only way to make the pain end was to to take their own lives.

Grappling with my sexual orientation, coupled with a very mild, but untreated form of bipolar, I was extremely depressed for much of my young life.  I was constantly thinking suicidal thoughts.  Fortunately, I was too big of a coward to ever seriously act on it.

The summer after I graduated from high school, I traveled to Europe with a touring marching band.  I became friends with several openly gay and bisexual members.  They were the first people I ever told.  Of course, I told them that I was bisexual, but it was a start.  I finally began to understand who i was as a person.  When I came back, I quickly came out to most of my friends.  Including the very wonderful Domesticated Goddess, who I happened to be actually dating at the time.  I'm not sure if she understands how much I really do value her friendship after all these years.  I had finally come to terms with who I was, and it made me feel so free.

Parents: talk to your kids.  The earlier, the better.  Make sure they know that your love is unwavering, that no matter what, you'll be there for them.  Make sure that they know that treating other people differently is wrong, and help them develop the confidence to speak out against any injustice.


Readers still in high school (hey, I may have them!!): Try to make friends with the 'different' kid.  I'm not saying do it, but at least try.  Trust me, you meet some of the most amazing (and 'interesting') people in life just by being friendly.


Teachers: make sure that bullying of any sort does not happen on your watch.  This could be in your classroom, the hallways, whatever.  Take a stand, and refuse to allow that behavior, attitude, or language in your classroom.

There is no reason why a young person in this country should feel so ashamed of who they are that they feel the need to take their own life.  Shame on everyone one of us Americans who have let our society be shaped this way.

I apologize if this is poorly written, but I've made myself cry, it's 2am, and my editor will NOT get out of bed to proofread.  I've checked.

The Bureaucratic Nightmare That Is My Life

As most of my readers know, I've had to put on hold my dreams and ambitions for now and suck it up and return to the wonderful world of retail.  With two college degrees.  I don't blame Hubby at all.  Ok, well maybe a little, but it's really not his fault. And I know that.  Rationally.

The real blame can be directed at the professor at my college who oversaw my student teaching.  During that period, I reported directly to two people: my cooperating teacher, with whom I had to get approval for all lesson plans and he pretty much shaped me into the teacher that I will become when I have a classroom of my own,  and my university supervisor.  His role was essentially to observe me (and grade my teaching ability) and make me jump through a million pointless hoops just because he could.  Which for the record is exactly what good teachers are not supposed to do.  My cooperating teacher taught me that. 

My university supervisor - from now on US - would also schedule the 'random' visits.  Not that I did anything differently, but if I was a mediocre teacher, I would have only pulled out the big guns when he was there.  He also would randomly walk into my classroom, turn around and walk out IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS.  And I would have to run out of the room to figure out what the hell was going on, only to find out HE'D GONE INTO THE WRONG ROOM, WALKED ACCROSS THE FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM AND THEN NOTICED.  You can tell I think highly of him.  In fact, I'm not going to call him US, I'll just call him douche-waffle.

You may ask why I am writing about my student teaching in September when I graduated in May.  Well, I'm getting to that.  You see, I applied to a few school districts for a teaching position this year, but didn't hear back from any of them.  Then I went to apply for substitute teaching positions.  And reading the application a little closer than I had done in the past, I discovered at least one reason why: Since I do not have any teaching experience, they want to see a letter of recommendation from my cooperating teacher (who wrote me a very glowing one), and another from douche-waffle.

I emailed him shortly after graduation to get one.  When he didn't respond, I called him.  He said he hadn't been checking his email recently, but he'd get right on it, and send it out promptly.  This was in May. I got busy, and distracted, and never noticed that it hadn't appeared in the mail.  That part, I'll admit is Hubby's fault.  He didn't remind me.  Notice I'm not at fault.  Ever.

Anyways, in the middle of August, I picked up the application for substituting and suddenly remembered that I didn't have the letter.  I sent douche-waffle a very polite email requesting it, as well as a confirmation (via email or telephone) that he had received my email.  I don't think that's asking too much.  Then I got started back in retail, and I got busy.  I waited two weeks with no response, so I fired off another email - less polite than the first, but still very cordial.  This time explicitly insisting that I wanted confirmation of receipt.  Again, no response from douche-waffle. 

So last night, finally completely fed up - school was now back in session, there was no reason he hadn't returned my emails - I fired off a fourth email (I know that doesn't add up, but douche-waffle wanted me to send him an email with my mailing address, even though I had already done, when I talked to him in May). This email was still mostly cordial, but it was also incredibly passive aggressive.  Hubby was mildly horrified that I was sending an email like that to someone who potentially held my future in his hands, but whatever.  Finally, this morning I called him.  Actually, I called several faculty members before I found his number, because everywhere that it was listed online was different and they were all wrong.

Douche-waffle did not seem surprised to hear from me.  In fact, he excitedly told me that he was about half finished and was hoping to get it out in the mail tomorrow.  He's been working on it since May.  He even said so.  As soon as I got off the phone with him, I called Hubby.  When he picked up, I gave him a heart-attack by letting loose a ton of primal noises and yells, as well as quite a few words of a less-than-professional nature.

The man who holds my future in my hands has been working on my letter of recommendation since May, when I originally asked for it.  He never responded to any email where I requested a response. AND HE'S ONLY HALF-FINISHED.  He's essentially had an entire semester, and has done only half of the work.  That's a 50%, which is an 'F'.  Unless you go where I went.  They think that 'F's are demoralizing.  So they give 'E's.

Oh, and yes, I am aware that this is my second post this week, making it the third post this month!  Now I just need five more to equal June!  Whatever, just give me an 'E' for effort and move on.

What to Expect When You're Expecting (Gay Edition)

First off, for the record I'm not.  Nor is Hubby. At least that I know of.  And hope.  Because that would be an awkward conversation.  Also, this post was supposed to come immediately after my last one.  And I was extremely excited about having two posts in the same month for the first time in forever.  Then I realized that they would not be in the same month.  So I aimed for the same week.  Which also didn't happen.  But here it is.

Hubby and I have talked a lot about having kids sometime in the eventual future.  But there's one small issue.  See many married straight friends have voiced jealousy towards us in regards that we never have to worry about getting accidentally pregnant.  While that's nice, no matter how hard we try, we'll never be able to get pregnant on purpose. However, there are many possible alternatives.

Want a kid biologically your own?  Just have a drunken one-night stand with a woman.  If that's not your thing, there is always surrogates and in vitro fertilization.  However, using a seperate egg donar and a surrogate, you can pay up to $70,000 just to achieve fertilization.  Even at the priciest bar, you can expect a bar tab of only several hundred for two.  So suck it up and take one for the team.

Don't care if the kid is biologically related? That's fine too. There are many children not fortunate enough to have a loving family of their own here in the US. Also, adopted children can be had for little or not cost to you!  Now you just have to decide the age of kid you are looking to adopt.  Remember, the earlier before the teenage years, the more chances you have to love them before they become little (or not-so-little) rebellious shits.

Interested in adopting children not fortunate enough to live in the US? Madonna and Angelina have led the way in raising interest in adopting children internationally.  It is important to remember that you will have to visit where ever you are adopting from, so think of it as planning your next exotic vacation.  If you aren't interested in traveling there, don't bother adopting from there.  Obviously, you can try to accessorize with your children (ala Angelina), but I recommend avoiding this desire if possible.  Fashions change, and kids can't be swapped out as easily as your wardrobe.

Hopefully, this guide has helped you in your quest to become daddies.  I know there are countless resources out there to help make your decision, but you chose me.  No, I don't know what's wrong with you.  Seriously, something must be.

ADDENDUM: Hubby just reminded me about pets.  Many gay couples have pets that they call their children.  They give them people names and spoil them rotten.  While pets may serve as a surrogate of sorts, they are only for people too lazy to deal with actual responsibility.  Pets are great, but they are not substitutes for real children.  Any gay person that says otherwise is full of it.

Reports of my Death have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Yes, I know. my last post had death in the title.  And I am aware that it is merely a bastardization of the Mark Twain quote.  Don't care.  However, a few people have acted excited concerned when I mentioned recently on various social media sites that doctors want to cut me open and sell me for parts.  For those in the know, my life has entered a new phase of the VERY long and ongoing series of illnesses I've had.

Apparently, when I was a baby, I got a lot of ear infections.  When I was a kid, I had a lot of strep throats.  When I was a teenager, I would get debilitating sinus infections.  When I was at Virginia Tech, I had the Winter of Seven Monos, where the doctors kept insisting that I had mono, despite what the blood tests said (turns out, I had pneumonia, strep, bronchitis, an ear infection and tonsillitis - but, alas, no mono).

I've always known that I snored.  After living with Hubby, I discovered I had sleep apnea as well.  To be fair, I didn't discover this.  He did.  When I stopped breathing in my sleep.  Repeatedly.  This summer has been so bad that he's given up trying to put up with me at night.  It all started in the beginning of the year while I was student teaching.  In fact, I mentioned it on here back in May.  Since then, I've had three seperate sinus infections and a case of strep.

I finally went to see a scalpel-jockey specialist, who took one look and decided it all had to go.  Apparently tonsils are not in fact supposed to obstruct the throat.  Or be gargled.  In fact apparently in adults, they're barely noticable because they shrink.  Also, adenoids - which have no function in adults - are supposed to shrink away.  Not block the back of my sinus.  There are two little things (that aren't important enough to be described as anything other than little things) that do something to regulate airflow.  Those are also huge.  And despite the fact that my nose has never been broken, I have a deviated septum akin to a UFC fighter.  I got a second opinion, and they also wanted to gut me.

However, my crazy insurance, that covers most medical expenses in full, doesn't cover nasal surgery. At all.  Apparently people get nose jobs and call it nasal surgery.  They also only cover up to 50% of a procedure if multiple procedures are done 'from the same incision'.  I'm not sure what that means, although it was explained to me that they don't like it when doctors take people's appendix's out because the only function they serve is to occasionally try to kill you.  Also, considering a call from the doctor 'later this afternoon' was 6 days later, I'm not sure how long the HMO's '10 business days' will be to get approval for the hack and slash.

I figure its a good way to lose weight, and Hubby has been desperate to make more clever frozen treats.

Also, this helps explain the blahs.  I've never looked into the effects of sleep apnea, but apparently you sleep very poorly and feel really tired a lot.  Which has been me.  So I got depressed because I was feeling blah, and I got blahs from being depressed.  Huh.  How about that.

Oh, and the day that I found out I needed surgery plus a week off of work was my first day back at my old job.  Not teaching.  Which is also depressing. But oh well.

I'm not dead, I swear

So after a very long period of what can only be described as a case of the severe and debilitating blahs.  They're still there, but whatever.  I've stopped caring about them.  So instead of going on about those, I'm going to pretend that I've been continuing to post regular updates on the blog.  And you will too.  See how easy that was?  Now on to whatever will spill out of my brain through my fingers (if you thought that this would be articulate and concise, you were grossly mistaken).

Last week was a very important week for gay marriage rights.  At some point this week, Judge Walker is supposed to address the issue of a stay on same-sex marriage in California pending the appeal to the Ninth Circuit.  Actually, it turns out that I may not finish this post before he rules.  In all of the excitement of the ruling that Prop 8 violates both the Ninth Amendment's non-enumerated rights clause and the 14th Amendment's equal rights and protections clause, I forgot one major Constitutional hurdle that about 90% of the news media has conveniently forgotten.  In order to appeal a decision, the group filing must have the legal standing to do so.

In Perry v. Schwarzenegger, two same-sex couples sued Governor Schwarzenegger and the California attorney general.  Neither defendants sought to defend themselves in court.  Thus, the Proponents of Proposition 8 stepped up to the table and tried quite amateurishly to defend it.  They have filed an appeal to Judge Walker's decision.  Which, if when upheld, will mean that marriage equality applies to Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, Alaska, Arizona, and Hawaii (in addition to California, where it already applies).  However, I expect that the Ninth Circuit will refuse to hear the appeal.  Which means "Yay California," but "screw you" to the rest of the country.

Yes, the Proponents of Prop 8 had the legal standing to defend it in federal court, but they almost definitively do not have the right to appeal - if for the very reason that the two named plaintiffs in the case did not file an appeal.  In fact, they hold the opposite view.  They joined with the plaintiffs to petition that the stay on same-sex marriage be lifted, allowing California become (again) the 6th state - and 7th US jurisdiction (District of Columbia) to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

If Schwarzenegger or the attorney general (whose name is not even important enough for me to Google) - neither of whom are running for reelection - chose to bite the political bullet and appeal the decision (and allow Proponents of Prop 8 to provide their stellar defense - again, thanks for that) I would not think anything less of them.  Besides, Schwarzenegger's legacy will be Terminator and Kindergarten Cop, not his two terms as governor.

However, there is a court precedence allowing the courts to rule even after throwing out a case due to a lack of standing.  And I really can't believe that I'm about to cite it.  In Dred Scott v. Sandford (yes, I just cited the Dred Scott decision), SCOTUS ruled that Scott lacked the legal standing to sue because he was not a citizen of the United States (because he was a slave). That would have been the end of a still-very wrong decision, but they didn't end there.  They continued on to rule that slaves were property of their owner, and that those property rights do not end upon the owner relocating to a state that outlawed slavery.  Considering many Constitutional scholars argue, rightfully so in my opinion, that the Dred Scott decision was the worst ever handed down by the Supreme Court, I doubt too many courts would use it.  Its possible that there are other cases that could be cited, which of course would just cause the Right to cry foul even louder than they already are.  It is also possible that there are more political nuances than I am reading into it.  The lawyers for the plaintiff both argue that the case is bound for SCOTUS, so maybe they know something I do not.  Especially since one is a neocon golden boy.

Long story short, I believe that Judge Walker will lift the stays on same-sex marriages in California, and the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals will throw out the appeal to Perry v. Schwarzenegger, ending a case that I've already seen extensive breakdown as to how each Supreme Court justice will vote.  The consensus is 5-4 (go figure) with Justice Kennedy casting the deciding vote.  All a moot point if the appeal is thrown out.

On a related note, there are only a few days left before Hubby and I get legally married in DC.  I began planning last night.  Go me.

ADDENDUM: Just read Baker v. Nelson (1972).  SCOTUS dismissed the case in which a same-sex couple sued for the right to apply for a marriage license "for want of a substantial federal question."  Plaitiffs argued in Perry v. Schwarzenegger that Baker no longer applies due to subsequent court decisions.  Also, Proposition 8 was a state law, not federal, meaning that Baker v. Nelson does not apply as precedent.  This is what I get for reading National Review.  They raised a doubt in my mind by citing an obscure precedent.  Which is not really a precedent because SCOTUS dismissed the case (and therefore did not rule on it).

A Brief Lesson About Chores

As I've made abundantly clear the past several weeks, we are in the proccess of Spring cleaning in our house.  And a lot of progress has been made.  One of my big problems is getting motivated to start any task.  Especially cleaning, because once I get started, the end product is spectacular.  However, even when I get started on some tasks, it takes me a very long time to finish.

My last two sets of responsibilities for this year's Spring cleaning? Vacuum the house, and do laundry.  Since we were having people over, I vacuumed the vast majority of the house on Saturday.  Except I was running late, so I only did the rooms that people would be in.  And I still haven't gotten back to finishing.  Even though I left the vacuum in the middle of the bedroom.  So I wouldn't forget.

Hubby has been having me do the laundry for a while now.  Especially since I sit around on my ass and watch Netflix and On Demand all day.  And I'm very good at starting laundry.  Just not finishing it.  Two days ago, I started a load of clothes around noon.  They finally went to the dryer for 20 minutes around seven pm. They got another 20 minutes around nine.  Around 11, they still felt damp, so I added a few more minutes.  I went upstairs to watch some television while I waited.  I went to bed around 4AM.  The clothes came out of the dryer around seven pm.  18 hours after I started laundry.

I wasn't always this bad with laundry.  At my first apartment, I was always on top of it.  It didn't hurt that the washer and dryer were just outside of my bedroom.  Not in the basement like ours is now.  Of course that same apartment, I had the roommate whose dog would crap at the top of the stairs.  Since her bedroom was downstairs, she never noticed.  And then she had the gall to get pissed when my other roommate and I started leaving the dog crap on her bed. 

Then there was the one Saturday night where I came home wasted slightly inebriated and she had been thoughtful enough to put up the dog gate for like the third time ever.  Which I proceeded to get all tangled up in.  And then found out that she had invited FIFTEEN PRESCHOOLERS FOR A SLEEPOVER!!! Without telling her other two roommates.  And I felt like a horrible person.  But not as horrible as the parents should feel for letting their preschoolers spend the night in a college apartment on a Saturday night.  For the record, I don't have any children.  But I think even those that do will agree that this is an example of horrible parenting.

Neither of those anecdotes really have anything to do with laundry.  They just reinforce how much I hated that first apartment.  Now if you'll excuse me, I promised to make a desert for tonight.  And if I start now, I still wont finish before Hubby comes home.  And it has to chill for 6 hours.  I'm on a roll.

Time to End My Laziness

After a period of being very blah due to very disheartening job hunt, I've decided to get back in the saddle.  Not that I haven't started like 8 posts.  But this one I'll finish.  Or just post anyways.  Whichever.

I honestly don't know if people did as I asked, and bought my crap after reading my last post, or if people just found them on eBay all on their own, but our video game crap all sold!! I even got rid of a few of my extra books when I forced them on unsuspecting guests.  And we filled an entire trash bag of video games that we either can't play on our new computers (yes in fact they were that old), or hadn't even been installed on the computer since its last reformat.  And I finally hooked up the new-to-us behemoth of a computer and Hubby finally got it all fixed up yesterday.  We are FINALLY getting organized.

I mentioned long ago that Hubby and I had filed for a marriage license at the DC Courthouse.  And I said I would be quick about giving everyone the date.  Well that's fixed.  It's going to be on MONDAY, AUGUST 16, 2010 AT 1:00 PM.  You are invited.  Of course there is a limit of 15 people in the courtroom.  Parents and siblings (assuming they come) leave only 8 slots.  I created an event on Facebook for it, and if you didn't get an invite through that, email me or message me.  Not my friend on Facebook?  Get on that.  Oh, but I'm unsearchable unless you are already my friend.  Good luck.  By the way, I can honestly say that I hate Facebook.  And I've plugged them too many times.  Myspace. There.  My karma feels balanced.  Speaking of things I hate, I originally wrote the "by the way" as 'btw'.  Thanks for nothing text messaging, IM, and Twitter.  If only I was getting paid to plug these pieces of junk.  Of course, by calling them that, I'm assured that no one will ever want me to plug there stuff on here.  Which is just as well.

Our wedding is getting more politically apropos.  Earlier this year, the US District Court for Northern California heard arguments that Proposition 8 and other bans on same sex marriage are unconstitutional because they violate the 14th amendment to the constitution.  Closing arguments for Perry v. Schwarzenegger were heard mid-June and a verdict will be issued in the next few months.  The lawyers for the plaintiff used similar arguments that were used in court challenges in Massachusetts and Iowa.  This past week, The US District Court in Massachusetts ruled that the federal Defense of Marriage Act was unconstitutional.  Not too fear conservatives, this only applies to Massachusetts. Which already allows gay marriage.  It would have to be appealed to the appellate court, and then appealed to the US Supreme Court.  Of course our wonderful and very progressive president is the one who sent his lawyers to Massachusetts to defend DOMA.  I guess he left the 'not' out on his campaign promise to overturn DOMA.  In reality, though, Both Perry v. Schwarzenegger and Gill v. OPM are the best chance for the status quo to be overturned.  Sorry.  I didn't mean to channel my inner politico.  Don't judge me.

For those who oppose my views on same-sex marriage, I have an alternative.  Apparently, about a year ago, NOMLM issued the following public service announcement:

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

For more information, and to learn how to contribute to this organization (if that is your sort of thing) you can go to http://www.giantgayrepellentumbrella.com.


Oh, and my personal reaction to people who feel that I should be on the first-name basis with a probate lawyer (which I am) to continually ensure that hubby and I have as many of the legal rights as our married friends as possible, instead of just being able to say "I do" and get them whether we want them or not?





For the record, I am tired enough to have considered making my own version and post that instead.  However, I don't know the song, nor know enough about my webcam to know how to do that.  Yes I could figure it out.  But its 2:15 AM.  And I'm tired. However, if you make your own version and send it to me, I'll reciprocate!

EDIT: fixed a few glaring errors.  Probably missed more than I fixed, but whatever.  Also, I promised to link to Hubby's blog whenever he posted his post regarding our trek to DC.  Well he took his sweet time in writing it, so I had made a post since that.  I didn't want to mess up the order of my posts by editing old ones, so I just never linked.  Now I will though.  Because I like to follow through on my promise.  Key word: 'like'.  Because it does not say that I always follow through.  That would just be setting everyone up for disappointment.  Why am I more rambly and less sensical that I was when writing last night?  Anyways, his post is located here.