Internet Piracy is Bad. Internet Censorship is Worse

I know I'm a horrible person for not posting in forever.  I have a billion and a half excuses, but you won't believe them anyways.  The truth is I've been feeling very blah and uninspired.  There were a few times I started writing posts, but they were terrible, so I never posted them.  I even deleted them forever, so even if it was just my depression, it's too late now.  Who does depression hurt? You, bitches!

In reality I'm doing better-ish than I have been.  I'm currently off my meds, so my moods change violently by the minute.  But it's a dry-crazy.

So what have I been up to? Applying to every job conceivable and not getting any responses.  I had a few teaching interviews but they went nowhere.  I've been working as a tutor, but my only student moved to a school that didn't qualify for my services....and I still haven't been paid and I started in October.  Just before Christmas I was offered a job training volunteers for the Democratic Party of Georgia. However, it turns out that it was a trial to see how I would do doing door-to-door fundraising.  They didn't have me come back after the trial day.  Kinda depressing to be told that you can't even knock on doors and beg for money correctly.

I have had a few teaching interviews the last few weeks so *fingers crossed*.

What have I been doing in my free time, you ask? You stupid, stupid fool.  Yes, I am aware that insulting your readers is probably not the best idea, but you asked for it.  I cross-stitched for the first few months we were here...and I made REALLY good progress on that crazy project I shared.  I'm about 25% done if I remember right.  But then Hubby went and did something completely irrational.  He made me take a week off.  I haven't touched it since. I did an obscene amount of reading for the next month or two. Then something very strange happened.  I started writing.

Not this weird free-flow-where-I-try-to-be-witty-but-just-look-like-a-giant-ass-hat that I do here.  I mean like honest-to-God writing.  And it's been going really well.  Like I've written about 300 pages since November.  And I've put a lot of it online.  I'm very proud of it.  No, I'm not sharing it with everyone, but that's for a different reason.  If you're interested, contact me, and I'll think about it.  Until then, leave me alone!  It's actually been great because I've been talking with other writers from around the globe.  There's a long shot that you may have heard of a few of them, but they are quite good and it's been a very enjoyable way to pass the unemployment.

Which actually brings me around to what I wanted to write about today.  Internet piracy.  Stealing other people's work.  I've been told I should care more about it between my blog and my stories, and I do care.  Just not enough. I have spent countless hours writing and the last thing I want is for someone to steal my work and take credit for it.  It's not like I'm making any money off of it, and I'd be livid if someone else did.  I may some day, but that's another story. 

However bad piracy is, though, censorship is far worse.  SOPA and PIPA threaten the very existence of the internet as we know it. Long before Hubby has been around, the internet has always been the 'other woman' in my life, and she always will be. The internet is my passion and my creative outlet. It's always there for me and never once has it passed down judgment upon me.

It's the way I cope with the depression and mental issues that have plagued me most of my life, and it's the outlet I've found to express the creativity that I didn't even realize was buried within me.

Water, Water Everywhere

Ok....So I've been slacking off.  A lot. I was originally planning on posting once we got internet access from Comcast set up on the day after we moved down.  Of course the guy that showed up at 7am was an incompetent imbecile and we had to wait three more days for a new guy to hook us up.  When he had to call something in to finish the set up he was on hold.  For an hour.  And he's the Comcast rep.  That's seriously messed up.  Anyways, then I was going to post after a week.  Then 10 days.  Then 2 weeks.  Then 3 weeks.  Anyways, not you get an update.  Not a great update, but I'm a little rusty.  So sue me*

So far Atlanta has been incredible!!!  Hubby has been loving the severe thunderstorms that we get somewhat regularly (we got an inch of rain today starting around 5), and Zoe has apparently gotten used to it, asking to go for a walk in it.  To be fair, I didn't realize it was raining until I got outside, but it didn't bother her at all.  Also, it was less humid while raining than it was earlier in the day when I took her outside.

Hubby and I had a wonderful time experiencing the joy of big city bureaucracy when we went to set up our water utility.  We were told that even though we live in Atlanta, we had to set up our water through Dekalb County, because the vast majority of Atlanta is in Fulton County, so a lot of the part of the city in Dekalb receives their water from the county.  If you are confused, it's just as well.  The woman at Dekalb County water place told us that even they weren't completely sure which sections of Atlanta got their water from the city and which got it from Dekalb.

So anyways, we went to the county office and were quickly told that we got our water from the city of Atlanta.  So we had to go downtown and go from line to line in various city halls and annexes (annexi??) before we finally got everything straightened out.

That is until yesterday when we got a water bill for the previous tenant.

I have more stories, but I just have to find a way to bring it all together and present it.  So probably wont happen.  Fingers crossed though!

*please don't, I beg of you!

Reminiscing: Yet Another Thing I Should Not Be Allowed To Do Unsupervised

Being in schools every most some (sigh) days really brings back a lot of memories.  Not vividly or anything.  Just vague remembrances.  It also makes me take what I witness every most some days - both in the classroom and place that (using my perfect hindsight) into my own memories and gives me additional perspective. Remember how adults told you that you'd miss high school? "Enjoy it, it's the time of your lives." or "In ten years, you'll look back and only think about the good times".  I swear I had a better second one in my head.  I even used it today.  And I got the same look that I (and everyone I knew) always used as a response.  You know the one.  The one that clearly says "bullshit".

Yes, in high school it seemed that the world was going to end when you felt snubbed by a friend, or the cutie that you had a crush on talked to someone else, or you're significant other of two weeks broke up with you (even though what you had was true, pure love).  Now I feel like my world is going to end when I'm paying my bills.  Occasionally during one of our rare blow-up fights.  (We don't argue.  We both bottle it in until we're about to explode.  They're fairly epic, and a very healthy way to deal with any issues) But even then, not really.  I've come to realize that the majority of stresses can really wear you down, but they're not what defines your life. Oh, and I heard the last one while I was student teaching.  The girl had a new boyfriend that she was crazy about a week later.

I'm sure that I had my fair share of freak-outs in high school.  You feel a true sense of freedom for the first time in your young life, and can't wait to grow up.  I asked one of my former students today how he was liking his junior year.  Apparently, it was ok, but he was really just counting down the time until he graduated and could move on to college.  I gave the typical adult comment, and I got the typical indignant look back.  But it's true.

I don't remember a lot of day to day stuff from high school, but I remember hanging out with my friends in front of the library every day before school.  I remember some of my teachers, but others I can't even recall their faces.  I barely remember homework, and the ones I do remember were the ones that I epically procrastinated on and had to cram at the last minute to get it done.  But that's not a bad memory anymore.  In fact, I remember more of the off-the-wall IM chats I would have with friends doing the same thing. Yes children.  We had to talk on the internet.  or the home phone (I so desperately wanted one in my room.  I think my parents hated me, which is why they wouldn't pay to have a jack installed...and for my own line) We didn't have cell phones yet.  Let alone texting.  We did want beepers though. (which is another thing that I look back on and laugh).

In case you haven't figured it out (or didn't from the title) I really don't have a direction I'm taking this, so I'm sure that I'm even more off topic than I ever intended.  The real thing that sparked this post was on the way home, I was listening to my iPod in the car (which I can now, because I have an auxiliary input jack...yay!) and one of the songs that came on that was kinda the 2001 graduation type number from Eve 6.  Which I don't  think I've actually heard in about 6 years.  Even though it's on my iPod.

I don't talk to my friends from high school that much.  Especially since the one I talked to the most decided to abandon twitter.  Strange what having a kid that has figured out that one foot goes in front of the other, and having another one on the way, and planning a big move can do to a person.  Or she just wanted to simplify.  One of the two.  I do play some facebook games with several friends from high school. Yes, I am that lame, that I didn't say a facebook game, I said facebook games.  And occassionally comments back and forth on walls get posted.  Every once in a blue moon, We'll even message each other.  Part of it may just be that I'm bad at 'keeping in touch', but then again, didn't we all swear that we'd do that.  But I don't think that it's a problem.  I know, at least with my friends that we could hang out and reminisce, and it'd be kinda like old times.  Not really, because we've all grown a lot in our own ways. But nonetheless, it'd be familiar, and a good time. 

At DG's wedding a few years ago was the first time I'd seen several friends from high school in a few years, but we ended up hitting the bars, annoying the people at Taco Bell, and being the most obnoxious wedding guests. Ever.  We actually conquered the head table.  We were playing Risk, the home game, only at a wedding. Strategically conquering other tables whenever possible.  We won.  I don't think the other tables really knew what hit them.  Or cared.

Anyways, long story short (after the fact, thank you hindsight): Time moves on, painful memories fade, or transition into amusing anecdotes.  It's always fun to look back at the 'good old days' nostalgically.  Not that they were good then.  That's just how we remember them.  Good times.

And for the record, no.  I don't know why you bother to read this crap either.  But I do appreciate it!

Bah Humbug and Merry Christmas

I've always loved Christmas.  It's never been as fun for me as Halloween, which is all about indulgences and excess (and just so much wackiness ensues at any age).  As I've grown up, my reasons for loving Christmas have changed drastically.

When I was a kid, I was always about the toys (of course).  This year, my list was actually shorter than my mom's, which is really crazy.  I asked for two gifts - Trivial Pursuit (because I'm a geek) and a tie clip.  Seriously.  I asked for a tie clip.  In the world of practical gifts that people need and don't ask for, that ranks just below socks.  and I asked for it.  Granted, I was specific in that I wanted it to be silver in color, but that's only because my wedding ring is white gold, and all my belt buckles are silver.

But even with everything, I haven't really been feeling Christmas this year.  I guess it's because this is the time of year to look back and reflect on the past year.  And overall, it's been an amazing year.  I finished up my second college degree, graduating with honors,  I'm now getting paid to do exactly what I want to do (well...almost), and I'm now legally married to the love of my life.  On top of all that, Hubby has ALMOST finished his PhD, and we're getting close to the next chapter of our lives, and I couldn't be more excited.

I should take a moment to point out that when I say I love Christmas, I really mean it.  I love buying gifts for friends and family.  Usually, they are ones that they ask for, but it's always something that really means something either to them or to me.  We usually spend about $100 or so on each other (I'm not going to miss the college student budgets) and around $50 for friends and family.  Granted, most friends do not actually get gifts, but that's more due to the lack of funds.  And I've never understood the point of buying a gift just because you are supposed to.  Buying things for people out of obligation ruins the spirit of the season to me.

This year, one of the people that has (unknowingly) been a major inspiration to me as a budding blogger has been Jenny, the Bloggess.  Her wit and willingness to say and do the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate moment never ceases to bring a little light to my soul.  This year, she took it upon herself to give back to people in need.  What started out as giving out $600 ballooned to a major project where $42,000 was given to people in need.

I am a huge sap for stories of generosity, specifically during Christmas.  So I would read the stories from people who needed a little extra help to provide the Christmas that their families deserved.  I decided upon reading it that I would donate and help out such a worthy cause.  And then I checked our finances.

We had already planned on an extremely low-key Christmas.  We wanted to focus more on savings than anything.  Plus, I was unemployed starting in January while I did my student teaching.  I didn't go back to work until August, and that was for a fraction of what I had been making before I left.  We decided to make our own gifts for people to save money, and we wouldn't buy each other gifts at all.  However, that's just not how I roll.  But I could suck it up, because bills were tough this past month.  Then Hubby threw me for a loop.

I can't remember if I ever blogged about it, but back in June, Hubby went to a conference in Prague.  He got me the two things I asked for - absinthe and Toblerone - a giant bar that I just finished the other day.  Turns out, he also got my a couple of Christmas gifts.  So here I am on Christmas Eve feeling like a failure.  My husband, my family and my friends all deserve so much more this year than I am able to provide, especially after being able to share such a wonderful year with all of them.  So what am I doing?  I'm wrapping a few things we already own while Hubby is at church with his family so that he has something to open tomorrow morning from me.

Things are not anywhere near the point where we need assistance of any sort.  I know this post makes it sound like we do.  It just means that we've had to cut out a lot of the frills temporarily.  And unfortunately, gifts fall into that category.

In a very long and convoluted way, this post is essentially a love letter from me to my family and friends, and most of all to my wonderful husband.  Think of this as the gift that all of you should have received from me.  I know it's not much, but it's all I can give at the moment.

NOTE: For the record, I did consider asking for assistance during the Bloggess's drive, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It all boils down to we're not badly off, and there are many, many people worse off than we are.  We've had a rough month in terms of bills, but we have lots of savings and things are only going to be getting better in the next several months.  But it's called savings, and not spendings, so that money doesn't get applied to the "I wish we could...'s", only the "We really need...'s".

UPDATE: I just realized that now I have to prevent Hubby from reading this post until tomorrow morning, and he checks his blogs fairly regularly.  This'll prove interesting.

I Don't Know How I Feel About That

Working as a substitute teacher in multiple school districts has been an eye-opening experience.  Not only do expectations differ drastically from district to district, but even two schools in the same district have expectations that are dissonant.  Some days I walk in with a detailed lesson plan for a subject I do not know, and I'm expected to teach it.  Sometimes, even the administration can't find the teacher's lesson plan (that was turned in to the office).  Most of the time, I'm given everything I need to figure it out as I go.  And it's always enjoyable - even when it seems like being swallowed by the earth would be better.  Suck it, large unnamed retail store that formerly used a smiley!

I also get to have interesting experiences that a 'normal' teacher doesn't get to experience.  Last Friday? I was a secretary in the guidance office for the day.  Did you know that 'permanent records' are not just an idle threat? I got to put this year's school pictures with the files.  Kinda cool.  Also makes me kinda want to torch my high school in order to destroy them.  Then I remember that I was a goodie-two-shoes in high school.  So I guess the school can live to see another day.  You got lucky this time.

Today? I was a librarian.  Like for real.  My title was 'secondary librarian'.  Turns out the person that I thought was the main librarian? My secretary.  Yes.  I had a secretary.  And at least 3 student aides each period.  I crap you not.  It was BADASS.  Except there was one issue that I had.

Ever since the string of suicides by gay teens, schools have been cracking down on bullying.  In all forms.  And the mentality of "boys will be boys" does not seem to be acceptable by administration any longer.  I had a coteacher one day who stopped the class and went on a diatribe about how to treat other people after hearing a student tell another to 'shut up'.  I was impressed.  And glad that she showed up after I told the entire class to do the same.

Anyways, back to today.  The school library had a very good selection of books on sexuality, sexual orientations, and the like.  They also had a book called "Pornography".  The pictures were not.  I was kinda disappointed, and I'm not sure why.  Anyways, all of these books, along with books on the occult (yes, really) mental health, rape, abuse, etc. books were behind the circulation desks in the 'reserved' section.  The extremely popular books, such as Twilight and Harry Potter were also in the reserved section to keep track of them.  There are no restrictions on checking them out, so I asked why the resource books are back there.

Turns out, it's because students would find them in the regular stacks and would get disruptive.  So any books that have questionable titles or content that could prove disruptive (such as 'Pornography', 'Rape', and 'Abortion') were put behind the desk.  Any student has access to them as long as they ask the librarian to look at them.  I understand why virtually all of these titles were located where they were.  Except for one issue.  And you may have figured it out already.

A student who is questioning his or her sexual orientation, and looking for resources to help them is not going to feel comfortable asking the librarian to look at the gay resources section.  Of course, to be fair, teenagers don't use books anymore, thanks to my first true love.  The Internet.  You'll always be first.  And I'll try to be faithful and never commit letters onto paper.  It just makes me feel dirty.

Ok...I think I lost the serious point somewhere along the way, but isn't the point of having resources available for students is for them to feel comfortable using them?  If you are questioning (and obviously deep in the closet) you are not going to ask the librarian.  You'll walk past it on the shelf like 14 times, then pick it up, flip through really quick, and put it back before anyone notices.  Then get the courage to sneak it up to the desk to check it out.  By placing it between two more 'appropriate' books.  And hope the librarian doesn't look at the book titles.

Not like I've ever done that.

Cheaters Win

Today I was surfing the web while on a free period.  I found an article on the Washington Post that I proceeded to tweet, so you may have already read it.  If not, I'm nice enough to post it again here.  West Potomac High School in Fairfax County Public Schools has decided to allow students caught cheating on a test to retake the test.

I understand the intention behind allowing these students to retake a test.  I really do.  Grades are supposed to reflect academic achievement and not student behavior.  For example, a student who is frequently absent from school cannot be punished academically simply for being absent.  However, their repeated absences will hurt them in that they do not have the opportunities to learn the material in the classroom at the same pace as the rest of the students and therefore will not retain the information as well as if they had been present.

Additionally, students shouldn't be given extra credit or have points taken away based solely on their behavior.  A student who does the assignment but goofs off should still get full points for the assignment.  However, they may still be punished for their behavior by other means - separating the student, giving him detention, etc.

Some schools punish behavior through academic reprimand with good intentions.  One local school district requires that a student who skips one class period get a zero in all assignments for the day.  I disagree with that because if they perform well in my class, and show that they have the content mastery that I expect, then they should be rewarded academically.  I'm torn even when it comes to skipping my class.  Giving them a zero does not show what they know academically.  And regardless of that demonstration, they would still face behavioral reprimand for skipping my class.  However, they knowingly skipped a graded assignment, so it does demonstrate a wanton willingness to violate the rules.  But I really am torn, because it doesn't show me what they know.  And as an educator, that's what I'm most concerned with.

However, when it comes to cheating, I have zero tolerance.  Yes, it is a behavioral offense.  At the same time, they know that cheating is wrong.  They may not have showed what they knew regarding the content, but they did show that they felt like they didn't know enough.  And the only way that they thought that they could receive a decent grade on the assignment was by copying answers from someone else.  Maybe the real solution is not to give them zeros for cheating.  Instead they should receive the grade the grade they 'earned' on the test - or a high failing grade (whichever is lower).  They most definitely should still face the consequences for the behavior.  But allowing them to retake the exam  in question (under heavy supervision) does not teach them that cheating is completely unacceptable.  In the real world, it would get their ass fired in a heartbeat if they were caught.

Unlike me, and most of my friends in high school, a lot of students are not grade motivated.  They really don't care what grade they get.  That means that they don't care about a retake.  If they're stupid enough to cheat, they'll be pissed that they got caught, but won't bother to try to study to improve their chances at a good grade for the retake.

I always bend over backwards to help all of my students succeed.  However, the ones that came to any review sessions I held before tests were always the ones that didn't need it.  Sometimes, it was a confidence issue, but mostly these were the students that were grade motivated, and wanted to ensure that they got A's instead of B's.  And that's fine.  However, I base my classroom on respect, and a student who is willing to cheat, copy, or plagiarize will not get any from me.

I really do apologize for this post not really being humorous. I just couldn't believe that a school would bend that far to ensure that no student is 'left behind', when it truly is the direct result of the lack or responsibility on the part of the student that is to blame. And that's two posts in two days.  Maybe I can still complete NoBloPoMo. Nah...too much work.

Why I Hate Everyone

I've been meaning to post for a long time.  A very long time. Like for real.  Only problem? I'm easily distracted.  As in I'm trying to not do the 4 google searches that popped in my head in the last minute...only because if I do this will never get done.  And I procrastinate like it's going out of fashion.  Of course, I wouldn't know...I'm too busy not doing anything.

My life has been pretty hectic recently, the past few weeks, in the over-a-month since I last posted.  This sounds like a job for....*duh duh duh daaaaaah*...Bullet lists!

In no particular order (especially because I don't remember what happened when...it's been far too long)

• I quit my crappy retail job after only being back there for 2 months
• I went to see a stage version of Rocky Horror
• I have been substitute teaching full time - some as far away as 50 miles (ugh)
• I learned how (and how not) to thaw a turkey
• We've actually had people over to be social (tonight will make two times in a week)
• I really thought this would be a longer list
• It's kinda depressing, actually
• I'll just add a few more bullets to make it seem longer
• There, that should do it
• Maybe one more for good measure

As you can see from all the bullets (but not the contents) that I have been quite busy.  For the record, I'm working on this post while attempting to deep-fry a turkey.  Hubby's office decided to have a thanksgiving potluck, and we're hosting it.  And we spent so much money at the grocery store that they gave us a free turkey out of the goodness of their hearts to force us to drop even more money there in a desperate attempt to save 90 cents a pound.  If you've ever deep-fried a turkey before, you'll know that they need to be watched fairly closely.  Which is why i'm resting the laptop on my lap while sitting outside next to the fryer.  There's no way this can end badly, right?  I should also include that the entire house is made of wood including very old wood siding, and directly above where I'm frying the turkey is a wood balcony.  But if something goes awry, I'll have plenty of time to carefully set my laptop down before escaping the massive inferno that would be my house.

Now that I've explained what I've been doing and what I am doing literally at this moment, I'm moving on to an almost-unrelated topic.  It's still related because it's still about me.

As most loyal followers know, Hubby's graduation from grad school is imminent. Unless something changes, which is still possible. I think.  He doesn't like to give me concrete answers about his progress, So honestly, you are not as far out of the loop as you'd expect to be.  However, we are fairly certain that his post-graduation plans are set.  We are waiting to make sure, because last time, I continually blogged about them, only to have to eat my words. Yes, I'm talking to you Albuquerque.  I gave my laptop a death glare.  Which told the city halfway across the country that I mean business.  I'm sure it got that message.

I've also been substitute teaching full time.  Teaching can be incredibly frustrating. Especially Social Studies.  These student's do not have any social studies classes until 7th grade.  I really did want to hit something (like the blackboard, which I'm pretty sure I did) when I asked my students what the three axis powers of World War II was and someone said 'Mexico'.  Teaching can also be tedious and repetitive.  Don't get me wrong, impatient me is totally able to deal with it in the classroom.  However, substitute teachers have the easiest and boringest (screw you, English teachers!) job.  You show up, and you have a detailed lesson plan waiting for you.  Of course you report well before the students actually show up, so you get to sit around aimlessly for a while, first. You implement the lesson.  Which is usually a video or a handout.  You have nothing to do during the period except try to get the kids to do it, which they wont, because you're not the teacher.  Then you have a planning period.  You don't have to plan anything, since you're not the real teacher.  And then you have to sit around after school ends until your shift ends.  High school: about 10-15 minutes.  Elementary school: like an hour.  And then you teach things like band, where I pressed play twice on a DVD player.  That was my entire day. Seriously.

Also: I'm going to try to incorporate the weekly writer's workshop from Mama's Losin' It.  It seems like a good way to actually post every week.  Plus I'm not doing anything else during the day.  Unless the website is blocked at school.  Like all the good ones are.  Which really sucks when you're bored.

Oh, and for the record, I lied.  I don't hate everyone. Or really anyone for that matter.  Unless I don't like you.  Then I'll arbitrarily claim to hate you.  But don't take it personally.  Because I hate everyone.

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Reports of my Death have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Yes, I know. my last post had death in the title.  And I am aware that it is merely a bastardization of the Mark Twain quote.  Don't care.  However, a few people have acted excited concerned when I mentioned recently on various social media sites that doctors want to cut me open and sell me for parts.  For those in the know, my life has entered a new phase of the VERY long and ongoing series of illnesses I've had.

Apparently, when I was a baby, I got a lot of ear infections.  When I was a kid, I had a lot of strep throats.  When I was a teenager, I would get debilitating sinus infections.  When I was at Virginia Tech, I had the Winter of Seven Monos, where the doctors kept insisting that I had mono, despite what the blood tests said (turns out, I had pneumonia, strep, bronchitis, an ear infection and tonsillitis - but, alas, no mono).

I've always known that I snored.  After living with Hubby, I discovered I had sleep apnea as well.  To be fair, I didn't discover this.  He did.  When I stopped breathing in my sleep.  Repeatedly.  This summer has been so bad that he's given up trying to put up with me at night.  It all started in the beginning of the year while I was student teaching.  In fact, I mentioned it on here back in May.  Since then, I've had three seperate sinus infections and a case of strep.

I finally went to see a scalpel-jockey specialist, who took one look and decided it all had to go.  Apparently tonsils are not in fact supposed to obstruct the throat.  Or be gargled.  In fact apparently in adults, they're barely noticable because they shrink.  Also, adenoids - which have no function in adults - are supposed to shrink away.  Not block the back of my sinus.  There are two little things (that aren't important enough to be described as anything other than little things) that do something to regulate airflow.  Those are also huge.  And despite the fact that my nose has never been broken, I have a deviated septum akin to a UFC fighter.  I got a second opinion, and they also wanted to gut me.

However, my crazy insurance, that covers most medical expenses in full, doesn't cover nasal surgery. At all.  Apparently people get nose jobs and call it nasal surgery.  They also only cover up to 50% of a procedure if multiple procedures are done 'from the same incision'.  I'm not sure what that means, although it was explained to me that they don't like it when doctors take people's appendix's out because the only function they serve is to occasionally try to kill you.  Also, considering a call from the doctor 'later this afternoon' was 6 days later, I'm not sure how long the HMO's '10 business days' will be to get approval for the hack and slash.

I figure its a good way to lose weight, and Hubby has been desperate to make more clever frozen treats.

Also, this helps explain the blahs.  I've never looked into the effects of sleep apnea, but apparently you sleep very poorly and feel really tired a lot.  Which has been me.  So I got depressed because I was feeling blah, and I got blahs from being depressed.  Huh.  How about that.

Oh, and the day that I found out I needed surgery plus a week off of work was my first day back at my old job.  Not teaching.  Which is also depressing. But oh well.

My Life in Trash

I have some clear hoarding traits.  Its not too bad, but I do have trouble throwing things away.  And I like to hold on to things well past any sensible length of time.  Hubby is an enabler.  As long as I can find a way from keeping it from looking too disaster-movie, he allows it.  Its actually quite surprising that he is not a hoarder. 

There are entire rooms that are virtually inaccessible in his parents' house.  And its because of things like videogame boxes and manuals and strategy guides from ten-year old games.  Not to mention the seven pairs of cargo pants that hubby's mother tried to give me when I mentioned that I wanted more casual dress pants to wear when teaching.  I tried to politely decline, as cargo pants are not, by any definition, casual dress pants.  "Oh, but these are very nice cargo pants".  NO SUCH THING.  I managed to talk her out of those.  Unfortunately, I couldn't talk her out of the several pairs of jeans she gave me.  Which had been pressed and folded as if they were dress pants.  Jeans should not have creases.  The jeans are still sitting in a bag on the floor of the bedroom, where they have been since I got them about a year ago.  Long story short, I know you read this blog, hubby's bro.  Go all "Hoarders" on your parents.  But start with your stuff.  Because your mother will have a meltdown.  Like Chernobyl. 

Regardless, this post is not about them.  It is about me.  Aren't all things?  I hoard books, dvds, and video games.  And empty pill bottles.  I think everyone does that.  Except I go throught like two vials a month.  And I never throw them out.  Just in case.  Although I've yet to find an occurance when I needed one let alone twenty.

Confessions of the Witless

I haven't posted as frequently as I used to.  There are a multitude of reasons.  First and foremost, I've found myself witless.  As in without wit.  And while most of my readers probably don't think I am that funny, I do.  And that's all that matters.  As DG recently pointed out, us bloggers are by nature narcissists.  And recently I do not find myself funny.  Except I find myself quoting Jane Lynch as she appeared in my dream last night.  Don't ask.  Let's just say it involved Russian bombs that resulted in glowing green stuff, the Rocky Mountains, Disney World, a dead Queen, and Jane Lynch.  She told me that she was as serious as Down Syndrome.  I couldn't make this crap up.  Except it was a dream, so apparently I did.

I also find this blog in a weird transition.  The last few posts have been less humorous and more political.  I'm not sure if I want to continue to go that route.  Which leads to the next problem.  I'm still getting a decent number of readers, but I almost never get any feedback.  I have a Facebook convo with D in South Carolina, and a two hour phone call with my lawyer pal in Baltimore.  She's the only lawyer with a soul I know.  They gave good feedback.  What I'm convolutedly trying to say is that I need feedback to know which direction people want me to direct this blog.

And this is where the real confessions come in.  I'm still jobless, and feeling very blah about it.  And hubby did not get the job that has been dangled in front of him for the past four months.  So our future is currently non-existent.  Making me feel even blahier. And I've been at my inlaws for the past several days.  And I am going to claim that they stifle my creativity.  I have no evidence to back it up.  But it feels right.

On the plus-side, hubby had a wonderful time in Prague (and even brought me a bottle of absinthe.  And I giant bar of Toblerone.  He really loves me.) So head on over and check out his first post about his trip.  And we are still planning on dropping off a marriage application in DC tomorrow.

Hopefully in the near future, I'll be back to my usual witty self (at least to me).  Until then, bear with me.

I Sometimes Follow Through With Empty Promises

The other day, DG called me after reading my last post.  She wanted to know what any potential downsides there were to getting legally married.  I didn't have a great answer (and still don't).  Besides, I was walking out of the house to drive to Harrisburg to pick up the hubby from his interview when she called, and I was carrying his 'surprise', which was envelope with a DC marriage license form filled out.

That's right, we're planning on going ahead with it.  One down side, though.  Apparently, someone official has to preside over a ceremony.  And the DC court will do it for free.  Sure its not the renegade stairs of the Lincoln Memorial like I wanted, or the renegade Jefferson Memorial Rotunda like hubby wanted. Big deal.  The actual downside? 8-10 week waiting list.  Apparently, we aren't the only fags desperate to get hitched.

What does that mean?  It means I need to go to DC, and turn in the marriage license application.  Then come back five business days later to pick up our marriage license.  Which, I've now learned does NOT mean that we are married.  Then, we have to come back to do the super-short version of a wedding ala Spaceballs at some unspecified point in the future.

Again, still have to wait on other stuff, but it seems like things are progressing.  All I know is that I'm positively blissed (except for being bored out of my mind)  For the record, this is Day One of seven.  I'm going to go crazy.  I just know it.

Lessons Learned

My unemployment is beginning to become extremely expensive.  When I quit working in hell (aka you friendly neighborhood mega-mart), we budgeted that we could make it through June without any problems.  And we have been doing much better than we budgeted.  Until tax time.  Don't get me wrong, my tax return was amazing.  I was eligible for some deduction since I was 25 or older and still a full time student.  Like crazy amount of money deduction.  This is the third time I'd filed taxes since I turned 25.  And I've been a full time student every time.  WHY DIDN'T I GET IT THE OTHER TIMES?!?!

That said, I spent the money right away between my pretty pretty laptop, and FertKiki's stand mixer.  There went that tax return.

And I can hear what you are asking.  Why write about this at the end of May, when taxes were due mid-April, and both items were purchased a month ago?  Because that was the beginning of my downfall.  I proceeded to buy Rock Band (because I'm bored), eat out more (because I'm bored) and go out at night with friends (because I'm bored).  Budget-wise, we will still make it through June - and maybe even July.  Like I said, we'd been doing really well with our budget (a first for me).  Then the money runs out.

I'm still holding out to see if I can get an education-related job for the summer to pad my resume because I care about the children.  But I still need one last clearance to come back from the state.  If that fails?  Back to Hell, if need be.  Although if we'll be moving to New Mexico in December/January, I'm going to need to travel all over the place to see people.  Which requires time off from work.  But also requires money.

FertKiki flies down in a few days for his lengthy series of interviews.  For all I know, my future may become a lot more concrete by this time next week.  Here's hoping.

For the record, I've also become obsessed with Wife Swap and Desperate Housewives on Lifetime.  I need to get out of the house more GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!

Just Watched Glee and I'm Not Wearing Pants

I can assure you, the two are not related.  But I hopefully got you're attention now.  And don't worry, I'm not feeling particularly hormonal.  It may be because I already have all the music from the episode, or it may be because I got it all out of my system early on, and FertKiki stole the remote from me so that I could not re-watch any scenes.  Not sure which.

I am not wearing pants because the 130 year-old house we live in takes a while to heat up in the spring, but when it does, its a bitch.  I was wearing jeans, but the living room is up to 80.  Why not just open a window? because that lets hotter air in.  Why not turn on the AC?  Because when they installed central heat, they decided not to bother with the simple other half of that.  Not that the central heat is very efficient.  I assume it was done by the same contractor who put in our carpets (meaning the previous tenants on their own time and budget).  Let's just say that industrial does not BEGIN to describe them.  Tomorrow, I'll drag the window unit from the basement and put in place, and that will be that. 

This evening, Domesticated Goddess described all of her previous relationships (ours included).  I am 'F' at the bottom.  In case you don't follow the link right back to my blog.  Or remember that I earlier accused her of turning me gay.  I thought about doing a similar schtick with my former ex's.  But the fact that I lack all creativity does not give me the right to continue to steal ideas for posts from her.  At least the same day that she posts them.

I will say that there are a few inaccuracies with her depiction of high school me.  First off, the shirt with velvet flames was just about as classy as the "watermelon shirt".  While I have drastically improved my fashion sense, I should not be allowed to dress myself.  Unless it is a shirt and tie.  For some reason, I can usually do that pretty well.  Secondly, there was actually a bet going around the school as to when I would come out.  I hadn't planned on being the douche who broke up with (and came out to) my girlfriend on AIM, but I was too big of a chicken to do so on our first solo date (like two months into our relationship).  We saw a matinée of Dr. Doolittle 2.  The most romantic date I've ever been on.  So I did it that night. On AIM.  Like a douche.  And she still talks to me.

On the job-hunt front, FertKiki will be traveling to Albuquerque in less than a week for his interview.  With any luck, He'll know by the end of next week, which means that I will know by the end of next week where to look for a job.  Kinda important to narrow down the job hunt to at least which side of the country.  Obviously, much more to come as more details come to light.

Maybe Things Work Backwards Out West

As I've mentioned before, there's a good chance that FertKiki will get a job at a research facility in Albuquerque (ala my freakout).  Its still not set in stone.  In fact, on June 2, he flies to Albuquerque for his second interview.  He's told me that its largely a formality, but its definitely being treated with utmost professionalism.  However, yesterday he received an email about his visit.  In it, he was given all the necessary information about benefits, relocation, and house-hunting.  Maybe it's just me, but that is stuff that someone who is ALREADY HIRED needs.  I'm not sure if I violated national security, considering I read the email that was labeled "for use by recipient only", but considering I'm a dependent, and therefore directly affected by benefits and relocation information, I'm calling it even.

On a (at one point related) tangent, we are going to visit my family this weekend.  My grandparents are visiting from Texas, and my brother's fiance's parents are coming to a barbecue on Saturday.  It'll be good times.  In fact, I've been updating my iPod for the trip.  That's right, there's a new Glee album that apparently came out today (I just went to iTunes and downloaded whatever was there).  I also downloaded a bunch of Lady Gaga and other songs that make me happy.  Its a four-hour drive.  And my iPod already has enough music to last for like 7 days.  And I have like 20 CDs I like in my car.  And I know all the good radio stations between here and my parents.  But I NEED these new songs.  Don't judge me.  Glee is my opium, and Lady Gaga is my crack.

We were supposed to visit my in-laws, but fortunately unfortunately we can not make it this trip.  We still haven't told them that our next location is most likely New Mexico.  They've told us in no uncertain terms that they want us to live somewhere between Charlottesville, VA and Blacksburg, VA (dead-central VA to southwest VA).  We've tried to tell them in no uncertain terms that NO WAY IN HELL WILL WE DO THAT, but they won't take the not-so-subtle hints.  In fact, they keep sending us job descriptions clipped out of newspapers and magazines for things such as "bridge stress analyzer. Which requires a bachelors.  He has a PhD.  In a VERY high demand branch of engineering.  In fact, he'd be highly qualified to be a college professor.  If they were to put together a pitch for him to apply for an assistant professor position at Virginia Tech or (shudder) UVA.  Sorry, DG, but I still haven't entirely reconciled your choice of alma matter.  Nor my brother.  Nor his fiancé.

We were planning on doing that this trip, but not only does my wonderful hubby have to travel to New Mexico for a whirl-wind interview on June 2, but on July 5 he flies to Prague for a conference.  I'm incredibly jealous that I cannot afford the $1,200 airfare.  Especially I wouldn't be obligated to go to any of the week-long conference and just explore Bohemia.  And try absinthe.  But only because its expected of people to do that there.  It's in there constitution or something.  That's what I read at least.  I think.  Maybe I'm just making it up as I go.  Either way, I'd totally trip and see the mini Nicole Kidman and here funky musical-styled covers of pop songs. Because what happens in Baz Luhrman movies is exactly what happens in real life.

I Think I May Be Pregnant

No, I haven't forgotten how that works.  I know that a guy can't get pregnant from having sex with another guy.  But, as the legendary Harvey Milk put it, "God knows we keep trying."

So I am extremely hormonal, which for your enjoyment, I have decided to share.  And on a completely related tangent that must be told first, Glee is dangerous to your health. Not my health.  Yours.  As long as you watch it with me.

Symptoms:

• Deafness from my squealing
• Bleeding ears from my shrieking
• Scratch marks and bruises from me grabbing anything nearby
• Scratch marks from the cat trying to get away from the noises I make
• Scratch marks from the dog trying to get out of my grasp

I don't know when it got this bad, but I'm officially addicted.  FertKiki has given me an official warning that I might be banned from watching the show.  I threatened to rewatch the episode immediately, and he caved.  For now.

Then he (accidentally) managed to seriously upset me. Which wasn't hard. Considering I have the whole pregnancy-hormones thing going on tonight.  He mentioned that Glee had three trending topics on Twitter.  Two of which had plot spoilers and a third was about next weeks episode (LADY GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!...shit, just woke the whole house up).  This was at 10:20 EDT.  That's when it hit me.

I've mentioned before that there is a strong likelihood that I will end up in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  Which is in Mountain Time.  Meaning that at the time that spoilers were appearing as trending topics, there would be TWO HOURS OF SUFFERING until I'd be able to actually see the episode.  I actually started crying. Uncontrollably.  About a television show.  Even I knew it was wrong, and was trying to hold it in.  FertKiki was laughing at me.  Loudly.

I was excited about the idea of moving.  But now?  Not so sure.  Because I'll watch Glee later than people on the East Coast.  Unacceptable.

On a related note, I'm currently acquiring every episode of Glee so far.  Don't rat on me.  I'm trusting you interwebs.  Don't let me down.  He'll take my laptop from me!!

EDIT: Apparently, while it is currently two hours earlier in Albuquerque, they are nice enough to start prime time television at seven instead of eight.  Meaning I'll only be an hour behind in my Glee watching.  That's a slightly more bearable.



EDIT: While I was trying to find the exact quote from Harvey Milk, I actually found the following question asked at Yahoo Answers here:

I heard that some gay guy named Harvey Milk is like a hero because he went into city hall and shot some people. Why is he a hero and why did he kill those people? Was he dying of aids and just mad at the world or something? How would that make him some kind of messiah? Was he cooler than Obama?

Things like this make my brain hurt.  And am about to cry, which is not helping with the whole hormonal thing.

FINAL?? EDIT: I corrected a few minor/major errors that I noticed only after a reread and added tags.  This is what happens when I post when my official blog previewer is asleep.  My bad.

Imitation as a Source of Inspiration

I feel like I know a celebrity.  Well, at least a snarky and voluptuous stay-at-home mom, who spends her free time complaining on her blog.  We even dated for like a month.  Domesticated Gal is probably the only person in the entire universe that I can drunkenly introduce as "the girl who turned me gay" to my fraternity brothers without kicking my ass.  Especially when they already knew her name. 

Between an exchange on facebook last night and reading her new post this afternoon I feel a special kinship.  See, we both moved to forsaken wastelands for the person that we are forced to tolerate unwaveringly love.  And we both find ourselves severely lacking in the job department.

I quit a lucrative and rewarding job at the world's largest retail company (you know the one) to finish up my teaching certification.  Which was unpaid.  And now that that is finished? No job.  And my clearances have expired, so despite the fact I have my certification, I can't apply for any jobs until I get my clearances back.  On top of that, like my move to my current location, FerretKiki gets the big bucks, so I get to follow him.  And he gets his PhD in December.  Which is half-way through the school year.  And I want to be a teacher.  I've been unemployed (and unstructured) for almost two weeks and I'm ready to kill.  And its still May.  F My Life.

For the record, I'm pretty sure that Domesticated Gal's husband is still straight.  So its not her.  And if it is? Jason, call me!

Late night musings

I feel popular! I've updated my twitterfeed to update to facebook too.  I know, I know...I don't really need any more readers, since I already have such a large and dedicated following, but there's just so much of me to go around.  It's like I'm doing the world a public service or something.

I appreciate all comments from my enthusiastic readers, and hope that everyone knows that they can comment with anything at all.  One caveat, though: should you feel that it is imperative to inform me that I "am such a fucking loser" (their words, not mine), it has a lot more significance if you are not too big of a coward to post the comment as 'anonymous'.  Of course, I'm interpreting the comment as saying that I'm too fierce to be sharing myself this way.  Either way, that viewer has at least loaded my blog, and even though I deleted the comment that I am referring to, know that it has been received and broadcast for everyone to read after all.


With that, I'm going to pass out.  My stomach is full of booze, steak, and WAAAAAY to many sweet tart jelly beans.  For the record, DomesticatedGal, they were brought to the party AFTER I mentioned them to you.  Also, of course you may blogroll me!!!