Reminiscing

Just to warn you, I'm a little punch drunk after spending 13 hours over the past two days driving.

So I missed the big Virginia Tech game in Atlanta that I've been excited about since before we even found out that we were definitely moving there.  I did it to come up to my HS reunion.  It's actually a big deal for me to pass, but I know I'll get to see VT/Bama AND VT/GT in two years, so I can deal.  And I got to visit Blacksburg, which was fucking badass seeing people, none of which I've seen in like 4 years.  Which totally made it worth it.

So I spent 13 hours in the car, with a layover in Blacksburg yesterday.  Which meant I belted out a LOT of show tunes (stop judging me) and stuck in my mind.  Anyone who knows me well, then you should be afraid.  Very, very, very afraid.

It was actually not that bad.  I came to some revelations.

First off, I decided that next football season, I want the two USC's to play each other in a bowl game, and one blows out the other.  Because I want to see either of the following headlines: "Cocks stuff the Trojans", or "Trojans smother the Cocks".  Not all my thoughts can be winners, but I felt like sharing regardless.

I look back on high school, and don't have many bad memories unless I start thinking deeply.  I remember feeling alone and virtually friendless.  Now, based on photos and other forgotten memories that have resurfaced, I've realized that it wasn't actually the case.  I just spent a lot of time dealing with my own issues that I was relatively withdrawn to try to hide stuff I hadn't even had a chance to process myself.

I think it was somewhere in either 10th or 11th grade, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was attracted to men.  I refused to give up on the idea of liking women, and I kept trying put my feelings aside.  I'd pretty much fully come to terms with it when I started dating DG.  It just felt right, and the fact that we were never able to actually spend time together probably helped keep the relationship for more than a few days (sorry, DG, you know I still love you!)

My ability to deal with issues in my life became a lot better in college, when I was pledging my fraternity.  Don't sweat the small shit, and it's all small shit.  It's hard to remember that all the crap going on in your life is all 'small shit', but it really is.  And when you are actually able to put everything in perpsective, it's much easier to deal with.

I also realized that maybe I'd have had an easier time dealing with my own issues if there had been more stuff in pop culture about unconditional acceptance.  The "It Gets Better" campaign, the Trevor Project, in addition to a slew of big singles by popstars.  To be fair, TLC put out "Unpretty" in 1999, but I don't remember it as strongly as even Christina Agulera's "Beautiful", let alone Lady Gaga's "Born this Way" and Pink's "Fuckin' Perfect", both of which get crazy amounts of play on the radio.

Anyways, I'm actually kinda distracted while simultaneously realizing that maybe I should have my editor around when I decide I have a brilliant thought after 13 hours of driving.  Also,...actually, I don't think I had an also.  Maybe I did, but I'm done now.

Also, I'm really looking forward to the weekend, even if Hubby isn't by my side, so that I have some arm candy.  He's too busy proving how crazy smart and awesome he is.  And you may now call him Dr. Hubby.

Reminiscing: Yet Another Thing I Should Not Be Allowed To Do Unsupervised

Being in schools every most some (sigh) days really brings back a lot of memories.  Not vividly or anything.  Just vague remembrances.  It also makes me take what I witness every most some days - both in the classroom and place that (using my perfect hindsight) into my own memories and gives me additional perspective. Remember how adults told you that you'd miss high school? "Enjoy it, it's the time of your lives." or "In ten years, you'll look back and only think about the good times".  I swear I had a better second one in my head.  I even used it today.  And I got the same look that I (and everyone I knew) always used as a response.  You know the one.  The one that clearly says "bullshit".

Yes, in high school it seemed that the world was going to end when you felt snubbed by a friend, or the cutie that you had a crush on talked to someone else, or you're significant other of two weeks broke up with you (even though what you had was true, pure love).  Now I feel like my world is going to end when I'm paying my bills.  Occasionally during one of our rare blow-up fights.  (We don't argue.  We both bottle it in until we're about to explode.  They're fairly epic, and a very healthy way to deal with any issues) But even then, not really.  I've come to realize that the majority of stresses can really wear you down, but they're not what defines your life. Oh, and I heard the last one while I was student teaching.  The girl had a new boyfriend that she was crazy about a week later.

I'm sure that I had my fair share of freak-outs in high school.  You feel a true sense of freedom for the first time in your young life, and can't wait to grow up.  I asked one of my former students today how he was liking his junior year.  Apparently, it was ok, but he was really just counting down the time until he graduated and could move on to college.  I gave the typical adult comment, and I got the typical indignant look back.  But it's true.

I don't remember a lot of day to day stuff from high school, but I remember hanging out with my friends in front of the library every day before school.  I remember some of my teachers, but others I can't even recall their faces.  I barely remember homework, and the ones I do remember were the ones that I epically procrastinated on and had to cram at the last minute to get it done.  But that's not a bad memory anymore.  In fact, I remember more of the off-the-wall IM chats I would have with friends doing the same thing. Yes children.  We had to talk on the internet.  or the home phone (I so desperately wanted one in my room.  I think my parents hated me, which is why they wouldn't pay to have a jack installed...and for my own line) We didn't have cell phones yet.  Let alone texting.  We did want beepers though. (which is another thing that I look back on and laugh).

In case you haven't figured it out (or didn't from the title) I really don't have a direction I'm taking this, so I'm sure that I'm even more off topic than I ever intended.  The real thing that sparked this post was on the way home, I was listening to my iPod in the car (which I can now, because I have an auxiliary input jack...yay!) and one of the songs that came on that was kinda the 2001 graduation type number from Eve 6.  Which I don't  think I've actually heard in about 6 years.  Even though it's on my iPod.

I don't talk to my friends from high school that much.  Especially since the one I talked to the most decided to abandon twitter.  Strange what having a kid that has figured out that one foot goes in front of the other, and having another one on the way, and planning a big move can do to a person.  Or she just wanted to simplify.  One of the two.  I do play some facebook games with several friends from high school. Yes, I am that lame, that I didn't say a facebook game, I said facebook games.  And occassionally comments back and forth on walls get posted.  Every once in a blue moon, We'll even message each other.  Part of it may just be that I'm bad at 'keeping in touch', but then again, didn't we all swear that we'd do that.  But I don't think that it's a problem.  I know, at least with my friends that we could hang out and reminisce, and it'd be kinda like old times.  Not really, because we've all grown a lot in our own ways. But nonetheless, it'd be familiar, and a good time. 

At DG's wedding a few years ago was the first time I'd seen several friends from high school in a few years, but we ended up hitting the bars, annoying the people at Taco Bell, and being the most obnoxious wedding guests. Ever.  We actually conquered the head table.  We were playing Risk, the home game, only at a wedding. Strategically conquering other tables whenever possible.  We won.  I don't think the other tables really knew what hit them.  Or cared.

Anyways, long story short (after the fact, thank you hindsight): Time moves on, painful memories fade, or transition into amusing anecdotes.  It's always fun to look back at the 'good old days' nostalgically.  Not that they were good then.  That's just how we remember them.  Good times.

And for the record, no.  I don't know why you bother to read this crap either.  But I do appreciate it!