It's Like Waiting For Christmas. Only Not.

Ok.  First off, I really need to stop having multiple posts in a row with similar titles.  Especially since I post infrequently. At best. End tangent (which began before the actual content.  Go me.)

I hope everyone had a good Chrismahannakwanzakah. (and new tangent: OH MY GOD!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FINALLY FOUND THAT VIDEO...I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR FOREVER).  I had a good one.  I got the tie clip I wanted.  Which made me a very happy panda.  And somewhat embarrassed that it was like getting the Red Rider bb gun you wanted, but never actually got.  Only it was a TIE CLIP.  But for me, the real celebration will come in February.

Back in May, I posted about my rash of symptoms from my sinus issues.  Then in September, I followed up by announcing that I was planning on going under the knife.  Then the whole thing became a nightmare. Like for real-real, not for play-play.

I visited the specialist on the first day my insurance through Hubby's university took effect for the year.  And I'd been told that it wouldn't be an issue.  And presumably it wouldn't have been.  It may still prove to not be one, but I'm not sure.  And it's six months later.  You see, the university takes insurance premiums out at the end of each month.  Starting in September.  Meaning that even though I'd been to the doctor in mid-August, it wouldn't be until the beginning of October before the insurance company would do anything.  Because my account wasn't paid.

This led to receiving multiple letters from the doctor's office demanding payment. Finally it was paid.  At the end of October.  And my doctor's balance went down by only $100 or so.  Because that little camera that was unceremoniously shoved up my nose for a whopping 35 seconds and used to determine the best course of action was classified by my insurance as surgery.  Which they don't cover.  They would if it had been officially ordered by my PCP, which he did.  But that was before the annual insurance switch-over.  I think.  It gets confusing.

Finally, the last week of October, I get the results from the letter of pre-determination that the doctor sent my insurance.  They would cover having my tonsils and adenoids removed, but not having the little doodads fixed (the only procedure that is so quick and basic that they don't even bother putting people under for) or having my septum fixed.  Because those are sinus surgery.  But having my adenoids out (which - at least for me - literally fill my sinuses) was covered.  I'm really not complaining.

I appealed in mid-November.  But they hadn't come to a determination by mid-December, which is the last time I talked to them.  After getting the first letter back from the insurance, I called the specialist to make an appointment.  I figured let's see how necessary he thought the two denied proceedures were (hence why I waited a while to file my appeal) and how much they would cost if I opted to just pay out of pocket.  He couldn't see me until the last week of November (this was late October).  A week before my appointment, the secretary called to inform me that the appointment had been rescheduled for mid-December.  I went in, the appointment lasted five-minutes, I was feeling good about what he had to say, and I walked out with an appointment scheduled for January 7.

I'm sure you're now thoroughly confused.  Because clearly if I'd been hack-and-slashed I'd have been bitching about it here. And on Facebook. And on Twitter. And and via any and every other form of communication I could think of.  I may have even brought the telegraph back out of retirement for that one.  Fortunately, (although extremely frustratingly) the doctor's office had an issue notifying my insurance about my scheduled surgery.  As in the insurance informed them that they had no record of me.  After a very long and confusing call to the insurance company, it was determined that the doctor was notifying the regular insurance, not the student insurance.  Despite what the very-nice-but-not-entirely-with-it secretary told me.  They also informed me that there was an issue with January surgery.  My insurance ended December 31.  Also? My insurance doesn't require advanced notification for surgery.

After calling every answering machine at the university insurance office, I finally managed to reach someone.  Actually the head of the department.  Because she is married to one of my former coworkers.  So I just called him.  Turns out, re-enrollment is automatic and there is no lapse in coverage.  BUT the insurance information isn't sent to the company until January 18.  The deadline for new enrollment.  And the first payment isn't until the end of the month.  Which would have led to the exact same issues with insurance I had back in August.  But at least then they had knowledge that I was covered by their insurance, just not paying my bill yet.

Long story short, I simply rescheduled the surgery and have gotten comfy on the spare bed.  But the countdown is on: 24 more days until surgery!!!!! Then a week or so for recovery, and I'll be able to breathe.

Oh, and all this shit just for surgery that is officially blocked for an hour of time.  But I've been told it probably wont even be 30 minutes.

And I realize that this post is kinda whiny and no one really cares and is sick of hearing about my sinus issues.  But this is my blog, and I pay for the domain.  So when you're in my domain, you do as I say.  Ok.  Maybe I need to take a nap.  Stupid not-getting-restful-sleep-for-24-more-days.

Oh, and for the record: my New Year's resolutions? To post on here more frequently.  Fail.

Bah Humbug and Merry Christmas

I've always loved Christmas.  It's never been as fun for me as Halloween, which is all about indulgences and excess (and just so much wackiness ensues at any age).  As I've grown up, my reasons for loving Christmas have changed drastically.

When I was a kid, I was always about the toys (of course).  This year, my list was actually shorter than my mom's, which is really crazy.  I asked for two gifts - Trivial Pursuit (because I'm a geek) and a tie clip.  Seriously.  I asked for a tie clip.  In the world of practical gifts that people need and don't ask for, that ranks just below socks.  and I asked for it.  Granted, I was specific in that I wanted it to be silver in color, but that's only because my wedding ring is white gold, and all my belt buckles are silver.

But even with everything, I haven't really been feeling Christmas this year.  I guess it's because this is the time of year to look back and reflect on the past year.  And overall, it's been an amazing year.  I finished up my second college degree, graduating with honors,  I'm now getting paid to do exactly what I want to do (well...almost), and I'm now legally married to the love of my life.  On top of all that, Hubby has ALMOST finished his PhD, and we're getting close to the next chapter of our lives, and I couldn't be more excited.

I should take a moment to point out that when I say I love Christmas, I really mean it.  I love buying gifts for friends and family.  Usually, they are ones that they ask for, but it's always something that really means something either to them or to me.  We usually spend about $100 or so on each other (I'm not going to miss the college student budgets) and around $50 for friends and family.  Granted, most friends do not actually get gifts, but that's more due to the lack of funds.  And I've never understood the point of buying a gift just because you are supposed to.  Buying things for people out of obligation ruins the spirit of the season to me.

This year, one of the people that has (unknowingly) been a major inspiration to me as a budding blogger has been Jenny, the Bloggess.  Her wit and willingness to say and do the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate moment never ceases to bring a little light to my soul.  This year, she took it upon herself to give back to people in need.  What started out as giving out $600 ballooned to a major project where $42,000 was given to people in need.

I am a huge sap for stories of generosity, specifically during Christmas.  So I would read the stories from people who needed a little extra help to provide the Christmas that their families deserved.  I decided upon reading it that I would donate and help out such a worthy cause.  And then I checked our finances.

We had already planned on an extremely low-key Christmas.  We wanted to focus more on savings than anything.  Plus, I was unemployed starting in January while I did my student teaching.  I didn't go back to work until August, and that was for a fraction of what I had been making before I left.  We decided to make our own gifts for people to save money, and we wouldn't buy each other gifts at all.  However, that's just not how I roll.  But I could suck it up, because bills were tough this past month.  Then Hubby threw me for a loop.

I can't remember if I ever blogged about it, but back in June, Hubby went to a conference in Prague.  He got me the two things I asked for - absinthe and Toblerone - a giant bar that I just finished the other day.  Turns out, he also got my a couple of Christmas gifts.  So here I am on Christmas Eve feeling like a failure.  My husband, my family and my friends all deserve so much more this year than I am able to provide, especially after being able to share such a wonderful year with all of them.  So what am I doing?  I'm wrapping a few things we already own while Hubby is at church with his family so that he has something to open tomorrow morning from me.

Things are not anywhere near the point where we need assistance of any sort.  I know this post makes it sound like we do.  It just means that we've had to cut out a lot of the frills temporarily.  And unfortunately, gifts fall into that category.

In a very long and convoluted way, this post is essentially a love letter from me to my family and friends, and most of all to my wonderful husband.  Think of this as the gift that all of you should have received from me.  I know it's not much, but it's all I can give at the moment.

NOTE: For the record, I did consider asking for assistance during the Bloggess's drive, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It all boils down to we're not badly off, and there are many, many people worse off than we are.  We've had a rough month in terms of bills, but we have lots of savings and things are only going to be getting better in the next several months.  But it's called savings, and not spendings, so that money doesn't get applied to the "I wish we could...'s", only the "We really need...'s".

UPDATE: I just realized that now I have to prevent Hubby from reading this post until tomorrow morning, and he checks his blogs fairly regularly.  This'll prove interesting.

I Don't Know How I Feel About That

Working as a substitute teacher in multiple school districts has been an eye-opening experience.  Not only do expectations differ drastically from district to district, but even two schools in the same district have expectations that are dissonant.  Some days I walk in with a detailed lesson plan for a subject I do not know, and I'm expected to teach it.  Sometimes, even the administration can't find the teacher's lesson plan (that was turned in to the office).  Most of the time, I'm given everything I need to figure it out as I go.  And it's always enjoyable - even when it seems like being swallowed by the earth would be better.  Suck it, large unnamed retail store that formerly used a smiley!

I also get to have interesting experiences that a 'normal' teacher doesn't get to experience.  Last Friday? I was a secretary in the guidance office for the day.  Did you know that 'permanent records' are not just an idle threat? I got to put this year's school pictures with the files.  Kinda cool.  Also makes me kinda want to torch my high school in order to destroy them.  Then I remember that I was a goodie-two-shoes in high school.  So I guess the school can live to see another day.  You got lucky this time.

Today? I was a librarian.  Like for real.  My title was 'secondary librarian'.  Turns out the person that I thought was the main librarian? My secretary.  Yes.  I had a secretary.  And at least 3 student aides each period.  I crap you not.  It was BADASS.  Except there was one issue that I had.

Ever since the string of suicides by gay teens, schools have been cracking down on bullying.  In all forms.  And the mentality of "boys will be boys" does not seem to be acceptable by administration any longer.  I had a coteacher one day who stopped the class and went on a diatribe about how to treat other people after hearing a student tell another to 'shut up'.  I was impressed.  And glad that she showed up after I told the entire class to do the same.

Anyways, back to today.  The school library had a very good selection of books on sexuality, sexual orientations, and the like.  They also had a book called "Pornography".  The pictures were not.  I was kinda disappointed, and I'm not sure why.  Anyways, all of these books, along with books on the occult (yes, really) mental health, rape, abuse, etc. books were behind the circulation desks in the 'reserved' section.  The extremely popular books, such as Twilight and Harry Potter were also in the reserved section to keep track of them.  There are no restrictions on checking them out, so I asked why the resource books are back there.

Turns out, it's because students would find them in the regular stacks and would get disruptive.  So any books that have questionable titles or content that could prove disruptive (such as 'Pornography', 'Rape', and 'Abortion') were put behind the desk.  Any student has access to them as long as they ask the librarian to look at them.  I understand why virtually all of these titles were located where they were.  Except for one issue.  And you may have figured it out already.

A student who is questioning his or her sexual orientation, and looking for resources to help them is not going to feel comfortable asking the librarian to look at the gay resources section.  Of course, to be fair, teenagers don't use books anymore, thanks to my first true love.  The Internet.  You'll always be first.  And I'll try to be faithful and never commit letters onto paper.  It just makes me feel dirty.

Ok...I think I lost the serious point somewhere along the way, but isn't the point of having resources available for students is for them to feel comfortable using them?  If you are questioning (and obviously deep in the closet) you are not going to ask the librarian.  You'll walk past it on the shelf like 14 times, then pick it up, flip through really quick, and put it back before anyone notices.  Then get the courage to sneak it up to the desk to check it out.  By placing it between two more 'appropriate' books.  And hope the librarian doesn't look at the book titles.

Not like I've ever done that.

Crap...I Don't Even Have a Title!

I'll be completely honest.  I really don't know what I'm going to write.  I just know that I basically promised to post two (or more) times a week in my last couple posts, and implied that I'd be trying to post every day.  That was 22 days ago.  I fail.  So to compensate, you (meaning the anonymous people who use google reader, since that doesn't show up on my stat counter, as no one else apparently bothers to read my blog) get the wonderful gift of free-style prose courtesy of me.  In otherwords, this might be a good time to stop reading.

You have been warned.

Ok.  Let me go all the way back to Thanksgiving.  We spent a few days at Hubby's parents' and then went to mine for a few days.  At Hubby's, we went to a movie, and were given money to go out to eat every night.  The only time there was really any 'family time' was when we dragged his mother to the store with us.  Which was a mistake in the guilt-trip sense.  Pretty much anything we looked at, she offered to buy for us.  When I pointed out a few potential Christmas gifts for hubby (while he was standing there) she just put them in the cart, and gave them to us when we got back to the house.  We saw Unstoppable.  Not a horrific movie, although I will say that the small town that they show (looks like Altoona or maybe Tyrone PA) apparently had a population of 754,000 people.  Which would make it the 17th largest city in the country.  That was the one thing I just couldn't let go.  I can ignore just about any ridiculous claim made in an action movie.  The bus in Speed could TOTALLY make that jump.  Just not a real bus, because that'd be crazy.

Anyways, back on point.  ish.  So we went to my parents.  Just north of Charlottesville, VA (like quite literally the first shopping center after you leave Charlottesville) we've always stopped at an Arby's.  We go to pull in, but the Arby's sign is gone, but there is sign saying that it's open.  When I say the sign is gone, I mean you can see the outline of the old sign, and there was no replacement sign.  There were about 30 giant American flag banners in the parking lot.  Turns out, it is now 'The Patriot Place' and serves subs and fried chicken.  It wasn't bad.  Although even inside, they only bothered to cover up the Arby's logos.  They didn't even bother to take off the plaques on the wall near the bathroom.  They just put American flag stickers over the spot where the plaque said Arby's.  Yeah, it was quality.

Oh yeah, my parents.  Shut up.  I'm getting there.  We did a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day.  At like 5am.  In the rain.  Ok, it was actually light out and it stopped raining long enough for the trot, but that's not the point.  I didn't actually trot.  Hubby did, along with my brother and his fiancé.  My lazy ass decided to do the 2k walk instead of the 5k run.  I did get to take the dog with me, which was nice.  Growing up in the area, I knew there were a few people's houses that I walked by that deserved a bag of dog poo, which I happened to have.  The only problem was that I didn't know exactly which houses I needed to leave them at.  I decided to err on the side of caution and just leave bags at all the houses.  But the dog wouldn't cooperate.  It's kinda embarrassing to sit there begging/yelling at your dog to poop while hundreds of people walk by staring at you.  I just wanted to cover my bases.  Is that so wrong?  Oh, and I beat a guy on crutches that started around the same time as me.  By like 2 minutes.  Go me.

I'd tell you about the rest of Thanksgiving, it was great.  Just not anything crazy.  No fights, or fires.  In other words, nothing fun.  Oh well.  Friday night, we decided to play Trivial Pursuit with my parents on one team, Hubby and I on another, and my bro and his fiance on the third.  We couldn't even agree on what color to be.  It was one of those nights.  But, between the five of us that were drinking, we went through approximately 17 bottles of wine.  Or 4.  One of the two.  I can't remember.  One of the questions, and I was later informed that it was also brought up in the movie Beaches, was 'what did Otto Titzling invent'.  It took my brother like 5 tries to even read the question.  There's something about saying 'tit' in front of your parents.  When he finally got the question out, we all just died laughing.  It was probably the wine.  We didn't even get a chance to guess, because among the raucusness that followed the question, my mom blurted out 'the bra'.  She was right.  A guy named 'tit-sling' invented the bra. Wow.

I'm think I'm going to stop here.  Mostly because I don't know how to segue into anything new.  Because I've been all about the seamless transitions this post.  Whatever.  I did warn you.

Cheaters Win

Today I was surfing the web while on a free period.  I found an article on the Washington Post that I proceeded to tweet, so you may have already read it.  If not, I'm nice enough to post it again here.  West Potomac High School in Fairfax County Public Schools has decided to allow students caught cheating on a test to retake the test.

I understand the intention behind allowing these students to retake a test.  I really do.  Grades are supposed to reflect academic achievement and not student behavior.  For example, a student who is frequently absent from school cannot be punished academically simply for being absent.  However, their repeated absences will hurt them in that they do not have the opportunities to learn the material in the classroom at the same pace as the rest of the students and therefore will not retain the information as well as if they had been present.

Additionally, students shouldn't be given extra credit or have points taken away based solely on their behavior.  A student who does the assignment but goofs off should still get full points for the assignment.  However, they may still be punished for their behavior by other means - separating the student, giving him detention, etc.

Some schools punish behavior through academic reprimand with good intentions.  One local school district requires that a student who skips one class period get a zero in all assignments for the day.  I disagree with that because if they perform well in my class, and show that they have the content mastery that I expect, then they should be rewarded academically.  I'm torn even when it comes to skipping my class.  Giving them a zero does not show what they know academically.  And regardless of that demonstration, they would still face behavioral reprimand for skipping my class.  However, they knowingly skipped a graded assignment, so it does demonstrate a wanton willingness to violate the rules.  But I really am torn, because it doesn't show me what they know.  And as an educator, that's what I'm most concerned with.

However, when it comes to cheating, I have zero tolerance.  Yes, it is a behavioral offense.  At the same time, they know that cheating is wrong.  They may not have showed what they knew regarding the content, but they did show that they felt like they didn't know enough.  And the only way that they thought that they could receive a decent grade on the assignment was by copying answers from someone else.  Maybe the real solution is not to give them zeros for cheating.  Instead they should receive the grade the grade they 'earned' on the test - or a high failing grade (whichever is lower).  They most definitely should still face the consequences for the behavior.  But allowing them to retake the exam  in question (under heavy supervision) does not teach them that cheating is completely unacceptable.  In the real world, it would get their ass fired in a heartbeat if they were caught.

Unlike me, and most of my friends in high school, a lot of students are not grade motivated.  They really don't care what grade they get.  That means that they don't care about a retake.  If they're stupid enough to cheat, they'll be pissed that they got caught, but won't bother to try to study to improve their chances at a good grade for the retake.

I always bend over backwards to help all of my students succeed.  However, the ones that came to any review sessions I held before tests were always the ones that didn't need it.  Sometimes, it was a confidence issue, but mostly these were the students that were grade motivated, and wanted to ensure that they got A's instead of B's.  And that's fine.  However, I base my classroom on respect, and a student who is willing to cheat, copy, or plagiarize will not get any from me.

I really do apologize for this post not really being humorous. I just couldn't believe that a school would bend that far to ensure that no student is 'left behind', when it truly is the direct result of the lack or responsibility on the part of the student that is to blame. And that's two posts in two days.  Maybe I can still complete NoBloPoMo. Nah...too much work.

Why I Hate Everyone

I've been meaning to post for a long time.  A very long time. Like for real.  Only problem? I'm easily distracted.  As in I'm trying to not do the 4 google searches that popped in my head in the last minute...only because if I do this will never get done.  And I procrastinate like it's going out of fashion.  Of course, I wouldn't know...I'm too busy not doing anything.

My life has been pretty hectic recently, the past few weeks, in the over-a-month since I last posted.  This sounds like a job for....*duh duh duh daaaaaah*...Bullet lists!

In no particular order (especially because I don't remember what happened when...it's been far too long)

• I quit my crappy retail job after only being back there for 2 months
• I went to see a stage version of Rocky Horror
• I have been substitute teaching full time - some as far away as 50 miles (ugh)
• I learned how (and how not) to thaw a turkey
• We've actually had people over to be social (tonight will make two times in a week)
• I really thought this would be a longer list
• It's kinda depressing, actually
• I'll just add a few more bullets to make it seem longer
• There, that should do it
• Maybe one more for good measure

As you can see from all the bullets (but not the contents) that I have been quite busy.  For the record, I'm working on this post while attempting to deep-fry a turkey.  Hubby's office decided to have a thanksgiving potluck, and we're hosting it.  And we spent so much money at the grocery store that they gave us a free turkey out of the goodness of their hearts to force us to drop even more money there in a desperate attempt to save 90 cents a pound.  If you've ever deep-fried a turkey before, you'll know that they need to be watched fairly closely.  Which is why i'm resting the laptop on my lap while sitting outside next to the fryer.  There's no way this can end badly, right?  I should also include that the entire house is made of wood including very old wood siding, and directly above where I'm frying the turkey is a wood balcony.  But if something goes awry, I'll have plenty of time to carefully set my laptop down before escaping the massive inferno that would be my house.

Now that I've explained what I've been doing and what I am doing literally at this moment, I'm moving on to an almost-unrelated topic.  It's still related because it's still about me.

As most loyal followers know, Hubby's graduation from grad school is imminent. Unless something changes, which is still possible. I think.  He doesn't like to give me concrete answers about his progress, So honestly, you are not as far out of the loop as you'd expect to be.  However, we are fairly certain that his post-graduation plans are set.  We are waiting to make sure, because last time, I continually blogged about them, only to have to eat my words. Yes, I'm talking to you Albuquerque.  I gave my laptop a death glare.  Which told the city halfway across the country that I mean business.  I'm sure it got that message.

I've also been substitute teaching full time.  Teaching can be incredibly frustrating. Especially Social Studies.  These student's do not have any social studies classes until 7th grade.  I really did want to hit something (like the blackboard, which I'm pretty sure I did) when I asked my students what the three axis powers of World War II was and someone said 'Mexico'.  Teaching can also be tedious and repetitive.  Don't get me wrong, impatient me is totally able to deal with it in the classroom.  However, substitute teachers have the easiest and boringest (screw you, English teachers!) job.  You show up, and you have a detailed lesson plan waiting for you.  Of course you report well before the students actually show up, so you get to sit around aimlessly for a while, first. You implement the lesson.  Which is usually a video or a handout.  You have nothing to do during the period except try to get the kids to do it, which they wont, because you're not the teacher.  Then you have a planning period.  You don't have to plan anything, since you're not the real teacher.  And then you have to sit around after school ends until your shift ends.  High school: about 10-15 minutes.  Elementary school: like an hour.  And then you teach things like band, where I pressed play twice on a DVD player.  That was my entire day. Seriously.

Also: I'm going to try to incorporate the weekly writer's workshop from Mama's Losin' It.  It seems like a good way to actually post every week.  Plus I'm not doing anything else during the day.  Unless the website is blocked at school.  Like all the good ones are.  Which really sucks when you're bored.

Oh, and for the record, I lied.  I don't hate everyone. Or really anyone for that matter.  Unless I don't like you.  Then I'll arbitrarily claim to hate you.  But don't take it personally.  Because I hate everyone.

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On The Bandwagon

There has been a rash of suicides among teens over the sexuality recently.  These children were bullied and harassed by their peers - often only about their perceived sexuality.  If you don't know about these suicides, I'm shocked.  Stop here and go to a news site and catch up.  I'll wait. Many bloggers and celebrities have come out and blasted the parents of the bullies, and the bullies themselves.  I've decided that I need to put my two cents in.

The parents of the bullies and conservative pundits have defended the bullies blindly.  After all, aren't they just being kids.  That's what kids do? Right? They bully.

Unfortunately, yes they do.  I know I've done my fair share of smack-talk.  However, over the years, I've learned that it either comes back to bite me in the ass or I feel like crap about it - sometimes long after the other person has gotten over it and moved on. The Bloggess wrote a really good piece on this here.

As everyone knows, kids can be cruel.  It's not that they're evil, its just that they haven't quite figured out what is and isn't appropriate to say, and why.  They also like to test their boundaries.  They like to see how far they can go, and what a person's reaction will be.  And where do they do this the most? In schools.

To be completely honest, I haven't followed a lot of the online mud-fight.  However, I will go out on a limb and place a fair bit of the blame on teachers.  Its easy as an educator to jump in and stop physical bullying or profane language.  It takes a little more strength to stop someone when you hear "gay" or "fag".  In fact, I once wrote a paper based on the findings of SafeSchoolsNC, a North Carolina based organization, whose intention is to eliminate harassment and bullying in all forms in public schools in North Carolina.  The findings of their research is clear:  in the 30 days prior to being interviewed, 7% of heterosexual students reported being threatened with a weapon in school.  During that same period, 33% of homosexual students were threatened.  In addition, in schools that did not have a school policy that included sexual orientation, 53% of students frequently heard words such as "faggot", "dyke", or "queer", and teachers intervened frequently only 6.6% of the time.  The report, published in 2006, can be found here. (pdf, 25 pages)

Unfortunately, I place possibly most of the blame on the parents of the victims.  I'm sure they do to.  I am very sorry for their loss, and cannot comprehend what it would be like to lose your child.  However, I'm not sure if any of them had ever had a conversation with their children about how a parent's love is unconditional.  And tell them that whoever said "words can never hurt me" is full of shit, but life gets better.  Struggling with sexuality is something I've gone through.  It took me through most of high school to admit (only to myself) that I might just possibly be a scosche bisexual.  But not gay.  Even though I'm only really attracted to guys. But if I'm bisexual, then I can still be normal, right?

EDIT: I don't blame the parents for the bullying of their children.  I blame the parents for the fact that their children thought that they would not be loved and that the only way to make the pain end was to to take their own lives.

Grappling with my sexual orientation, coupled with a very mild, but untreated form of bipolar, I was extremely depressed for much of my young life.  I was constantly thinking suicidal thoughts.  Fortunately, I was too big of a coward to ever seriously act on it.

The summer after I graduated from high school, I traveled to Europe with a touring marching band.  I became friends with several openly gay and bisexual members.  They were the first people I ever told.  Of course, I told them that I was bisexual, but it was a start.  I finally began to understand who i was as a person.  When I came back, I quickly came out to most of my friends.  Including the very wonderful Domesticated Goddess, who I happened to be actually dating at the time.  I'm not sure if she understands how much I really do value her friendship after all these years.  I had finally come to terms with who I was, and it made me feel so free.

Parents: talk to your kids.  The earlier, the better.  Make sure they know that your love is unwavering, that no matter what, you'll be there for them.  Make sure that they know that treating other people differently is wrong, and help them develop the confidence to speak out against any injustice.


Readers still in high school (hey, I may have them!!): Try to make friends with the 'different' kid.  I'm not saying do it, but at least try.  Trust me, you meet some of the most amazing (and 'interesting') people in life just by being friendly.


Teachers: make sure that bullying of any sort does not happen on your watch.  This could be in your classroom, the hallways, whatever.  Take a stand, and refuse to allow that behavior, attitude, or language in your classroom.

There is no reason why a young person in this country should feel so ashamed of who they are that they feel the need to take their own life.  Shame on everyone one of us Americans who have let our society be shaped this way.

I apologize if this is poorly written, but I've made myself cry, it's 2am, and my editor will NOT get out of bed to proofread.  I've checked.